Time and the widening river

Last month was one of the most difficult in recent memory.  The stress, caused by my job, took me into a mindset that I desperately tried to claw my way out of.  Things affected my health so much that my PSA level is slightly elevated, as is my blood pressure, which had my urologist (of all people) concerned.

I've been trying hard.  Very hard.  Not to sound brash, but speaking with many of my colleagues at work, I KNOW that it isn't me and that I'm not alone.  So...  I've adopted something of a "fuck it" attitude towards work.  I do my job but I will not let it consume me as I had (quite wrongfully) done.  And it seems to be working.  I go in; I do a full day's work and I go home.  I won't check emails in the evening and I'm minimizing the amount of time I do any work on the weekend, since I'm not paid overtime.  AND, most importantly, I continue to try and find something else.

The other thing is this May had a double 40 year anniversary.  My emotions were already churning by the time the two dates came around.  The first was May 16th, when I first met Susan and would proceed to spend the next 7.5 years of my life with her.  She passed away in 2015, but the night two people meet and launch into a deep and (predominantly) loving relationship is something you don't forget.  The other was May 18th - that was the day The Punch Line was officially born.  Susan called me to ask if we were going to get together during the week; at a point in the conversation, she asked me if I came up with a name for the band yet.  I turned my head to sneeze; as I did, I saw The Minutemen's "The Punch Line" album on the table and I answered her "yes - I just did."  Both are very warm, happy memories that I treasure.  It's just been a very tough time recently.

I can breathe a little easier now, but my guard is by no means lowered.