ManicRobThrill

Wednesday, November 15, 2017

Closer than close

With hope comes trepidation and the prayer of relief.  The time is coming up for the pains that have plagued me for these last few months to be resolved.  I am trying with every fiber of my being to remain optimistic; cautiously hopeful and waiting for that moment to exhale.

Like May, November is a month I revel in; Thanksgiving is everything to me.  So if the universe unfolds in a positive manner, I can honestly say I have more than I can put in to words to be thankful for.  But the moment draws near and I admit, I'm holding my breath.  I know patience is everything but I do feel the weight upon me.

All I can do is believe that very soon, I will be able to exhale again.

Wednesday, October 18, 2017

October sun

It's still warm even though autumn's taken hold.  And I'm still where I was a month or so ago - nothing will change or come to its conclusion until the middle of November.  As ever, I remain cautiously optimistic and hopeful that things will work out the way they should; with a positive ending to an otherwise negative period.

And with this certain sense of closure, I can easily see the re-opening of the guitar cases and the plugging in of the recording equipment.  It's more than high time; I knew it, but having been given a mandate by the person I trust most, I have to get back on the bike and ride hard.

You can try to distance yourself from various things, but why deny yourself your greatest pleasure; the one thing that offers you pure joy.  To be able to record in comfort, unfettered and with no deadlines - that's something to grab by the scruff and shake down until the results are so.

As I'm always wont to say, you've got to keep on keepin' on - and I am.

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

Somewhere between life and limbo

Still, the waiting game continues, although with a bit less trepidation than before.  The clouds are parting, but the sun hasn't pushed its way through just yet.  So I wait, patiently.  It will happen.  But it's going to take a little bit longer.  Soon enough.

Meanwhile, the breeze begins to stir a bit more towards finally doing what I said I would all along - time in the recording studio may be the prescription...

Wednesday, August 09, 2017

Shifting tides of the season

A few of the more "topical" things - because of the new job, etc., the trip to Seattle and my return to Memphis had to be postponed.  In an odd way, I'm glad, because my head and heart wouldn't have been 100% able to be present, in the moment or even able to really enjoy myself.  Because of all the distractions and changes, I think it will take a little longer to really begin to feel "me" again with a sense of complete clarity.

Nonetheless, I'm taking in each day in stride and actively enjoying everything around me.  A day like today, which was beautiful, sunny and comfortable fills me with energy and joy.  And little things like that keep me happy - balanced - and looking towards tomorrow with hope. 

Hope goes a long way...

Saturday, July 01, 2017

Two steps onward?

Looking forward is all I do now.  Trying to think and maintain a positive approach towards things is how I think.  Allowing time and the universe to unfold naturally is the only way I achieve peace of mind.  It does no one any good to overthink things - which I have a dangerous habit of doing; it only creates havoc and unrest, certainly in one's own head.  But I'm trying.  I'm not looking for a pat on the head or anyone to say "good job".  It's logic and common sense, which I needed to regain.  Somewhere, somehow, I lost sight of that.

But I'm trying again.  Looking forward and hoping for the best.  As anyone can only do.

Thursday, June 01, 2017

Every day...

As I had hoped and to a great degree, prayed for, things have taken a turn for the better and much more positive.  The days have been brighter and not so frustration and trepidation-filled.  I feel like I'm back among the living again; meeting new people - new experiences and surroundings and I'm focusing on keeping it all together.  I want to make certain there are no mis-steps - certainly, none by my own hand/undoing.  My mind is clear and I've shaken most of the emotional cobwebs of the last four months by working tirelessly at fixing as much as I can from the damage.

It may be a tired and well-worn cliche, but it really doesn't get any easier as one gets older.  If anything, age makes things more difficult.  There is definitely a sense of "ageism" out there; experience seems to be so under-valued and unappreciated.  But I've gotten back up to a fresh and major plateau that I didn't think possible; at least, not this quickly.

Thankful?  You'd better believe it.  Relieved?  To a large extent.  Time and patience will tell the rest.  All I can do is continue to let the universe unfold as it's supposed to - naturally.

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Only a memory no. 2

It was 31 years ago tonight that I met someone.  She changed my life completely.  From the moment that we looked in one another's eyes, we spent the next 7.5 years together.  She left me 23 years ago and departed from this world two years ago.  But this date is etched in my mind and heart until my time's up.  We were very happy for a long time and those are the times I choose to think about.

I miss those two people.  They were nice; they were full of hope and drive and life.  She certainly filled me with hope, drive and life.  And she'll forever be part of me.