ManicRobThrill

Saturday, January 13, 2018

Watch the sunrise

Another double-entendre, since yes, it's a Big Star song and it IS 5:20 a.m.  Couldn't sleep anymore, considering I went to bed after midnight, which isn't my usual thing.  At the same time, the hoped-for conclusion to a very unhappy chapter did occur happily two days ago, so there's yet again a reason to absorb the metaphoric brightness of a new day after walking through a long, dark nightmare.  Starting today, I finally do get to begin living in full again.

That pre-birthday celebartion from last week will now be a post-birthday dinner tonight, thanks to an over-hyped snowstorm - and I'm glad because this way, we can spend more time together in the evening, rather than rushing on a weeknight; next week, The Posies...  and so many wonderful things now planned and confirmed - yes, you do get a second chance to breathe, sometimes.

So for an early Saturday morning - and feeling energetic before I've even had my coffee, it's time to start getting the day in order, which includes the wonderfully mundane like scooping the catboxes now and then grocery shopping before the usual weekend deluge.  Except, I'll savor it today.

Tuesday, January 02, 2018

Nine below zero

Second day of the new year; second week of temperatures in the teens and tomorrow I start my new job.  Excited/elated/joyful/slightly nervous - and I would think justifiably so.  I can only hope the good vibes keep me warm as I make my way back into the city and up to the Village.

So much to look forward to already - dinner on Thursday night with my favorite person in the world; my 53rd birthday on Sunday; The Posies at City Winery on the 24th.  All that remains a question mark is taking care of last year's business on the 11th.  One hopes it concludes the way I hope it will.

Nevertheless, we've managed to escape a bizarre and trying year like 2017.  This is like no other year I've ever been witness to.  Some high "ups" and the deepest, lowest of "downs" - not just personally, but it seems globally.  Certainly, I cannot count a single friend who thought last year was any good.

Here I am - filled with hope and some restrained optimism.  That isn't bad criteria at all to begin this year with, is it?

Saturday, December 23, 2017

Thirteen

Double entendre?  Sure.  Obvious that I would reference Big Star but for a good reason - I just realized this blog page is now thirteen years old.  Which, frankly, is shocking.  So many blogs - including ones I would read either daily or regularly - are now long gone; this being a "fad" seems to have been just that, since Facebook and the other forms of greater (narcissistic) social media have been society's driving force and no one looks at blogs as a viable form of, if nothing else, quality writing, as there were a lot of terrific writers doing this.

I know I've been over this before, but I did it as a means of clearing my head; writing as I was thinking, as I never was keen on nor had the patience to actually write a diary or journal.  This also began at a time when I was in the throes of a return to playing in a band again, which certainly made sense at that point and age, since we were recording an album and I'd never previously taken the time to chronicle the experience.  At the same time, the counterbalance to that is "returning to playing in a band again" - at near 40, I think it was, in hindsight and during that initial regular entry period, a mistake - at that particular moment.  I felt - even though the decision was ultimately mine; my responsibility - that I'd been pushed into revisiting something that I didn't need anymore; didn't want to "relive my youth" and even though I understood there were people close to me who wanted to see me "do it again", it really wasn't what I wanted - but I gave in to not-better-judgement.  The point is, this blog served as a chronicle, when all was said and done, of a band that was already teetering precariously off-balance and ultimately would disintegrate mostly because I didn't give a shit and didn't like the circumstances I was surrounded by/with. 

Like all good things, I didn't continue writing every day as I had - there were other things to concentrate and focus on; 2010's entries were always cryptic and almost prose, but everyone who knows me knows why I wrote in that manner, during that period.  Suffice it to say that it was quite a learning experience and I one I hope to never have to repeat in the same manner.  Ugh!  Or earlier this year.  A different set of circumstances and an entirely different scenario, but no less painfully difficult.

Nonetheless, this blog, as infrequently as I post, continues to serve me well.  Even if it's a few lines; a few words, I can still clear out those cobwebs so I can re-balance and re-focus.

So after thirteen years, and until Blogger ceases to exist, I'll continue to come in with my random thoughts and views.  It's a nice forum to have.

Happy holidays to all!

Thursday, December 07, 2017

Hope of deliverance no. 2

As I have been on this somewhat calm and positive path, with a focused state of mind, now comes the incredible news that I have found a new job that pays well (a great deal more than the one I currently have), has ample time off, benefits, actual room for growth and in a neighborhood I love (and essentially grew up in) - this could not have come at a better time.  I am beyond thankful, relieved and filled with joy.  It begins January 2nd and it's the best way to begin a new year - on a completely fresh journey.  Which is a relief in and of itself, to be rid of all the negatives 2017 brought - and I know I'm not the only one who feels this way.

Am I kidding myself that life is now near-perfect?  No, by virtue of the fact that there is still the one very dark loose end that needs to be tied up once and for all.  That will come in early January - and I can only continue to have hope that it will be with the desired outcome.  But I remain vigilant and patient.

Today is also equally special to me because it was on this day four years ago we lost the great love of my life, my precious, beautiful cat Midnight and immediately were saved when we met and fell in love with a tiny, sweet bundle of fuzz, our darling Roxy.  She brought the light and laughter back so that we wouldn't be able to be absorbed with the shock and devastation of being without Moonie; if there was ever a cat sent from Heaven, it's her.

So I have even more to be thankful for.  And I am, undoubtedly.

Wednesday, November 15, 2017

Closer than close

With hope comes trepidation and the prayer of relief.  The time is coming up for the pains that have plagued me for these last few months to be resolved.  I am trying with every fiber of my being to remain optimistic; cautiously hopeful and waiting for that moment to exhale.

Like May, November is a month I revel in; Thanksgiving is everything to me.  So if the universe unfolds in a positive manner, I can honestly say I have more than I can put in to words to be thankful for.  But the moment draws near and I admit, I'm holding my breath.  I know patience is everything but I do feel the weight upon me.

All I can do is believe that very soon, I will be able to exhale again.

Wednesday, October 18, 2017

October sun

It's still warm even though autumn's taken hold.  And I'm still where I was a month or so ago - nothing will change or come to its conclusion until the middle of November.  As ever, I remain cautiously optimistic and hopeful that things will work out the way they should; with a positive ending to an otherwise negative period.

And with this certain sense of closure, I can easily see the re-opening of the guitar cases and the plugging in of the recording equipment.  It's more than high time; I knew it, but having been given a mandate by the person I trust most, I have to get back on the bike and ride hard.

You can try to distance yourself from various things, but why deny yourself your greatest pleasure; the one thing that offers you pure joy.  To be able to record in comfort, unfettered and with no deadlines - that's something to grab by the scruff and shake down until the results are so.

As I'm always wont to say, you've got to keep on keepin' on - and I am.

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

Somewhere between life and limbo

Still, the waiting game continues, although with a bit less trepidation than before.  The clouds are parting, but the sun hasn't pushed its way through just yet.  So I wait, patiently.  It will happen.  But it's going to take a little bit longer.  Soon enough.

Meanwhile, the breeze begins to stir a bit more towards finally doing what I said I would all along - time in the recording studio may be the prescription...