ManicRobThrill

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

Somewhere between life and limbo

Still, the waiting game continues, although with a bit less trepidation than before.  The clouds are parting, but the sun hasn't pushed its way through just yet.  So I wait, patiently.  It will happen.  But it's going to take a little bit longer.  Soon enough.

Meanwhile, the breeze begins to stir a bit more towards finally doing what I said I would all along - time in the recording studio may be the prescription...

Wednesday, August 09, 2017

Shifting tides of the season

A few of the more "topical" things - because of the new job, etc., the trip to Seattle and my return to Memphis had to be postponed.  In an odd way, I'm glad, because my head and heart wouldn't have been 100% able to be present, in the moment or even able to really enjoy myself.  Because of all the distractions and changes, I think it will take a little longer to really begin to feel "me" again with a sense of complete clarity.

Nonetheless, I'm taking in each day in stride and actively enjoying everything around me.  A day like today, which was beautiful, sunny and comfortable fills me with energy and joy.  And little things like that keep me happy - balanced - and looking towards tomorrow with hope. 

Hope goes a long way...

Saturday, July 01, 2017

Two steps onward?

Looking forward is all I do now.  Trying to think and maintain a positive approach towards things is how I think.  Allowing time and the universe to unfold naturally is the only way I achieve peace of mind.  It does no one any good to overthink things - which I have a dangerous habit of doing; it only creates havoc and unrest, certainly in one's own head.  But I'm trying.  I'm not looking for a pat on the head or anyone to say "good job".  It's logic and common sense, which I needed to regain.  Somewhere, somehow, I lost sight of that.

But I'm trying again.  Looking forward and hoping for the best.  As anyone can only do.

Thursday, June 01, 2017

Every day...

As I had hoped and to a great degree, prayed for, things have taken a turn for the better and much more positive.  The days have been brighter and not so frustration and trepidation-filled.  I feel like I'm back among the living again; meeting new people - new experiences and surroundings and I'm focusing on keeping it all together.  I want to make certain there are no mis-steps - certainly, none by my own hand/undoing.  My mind is clear and I've shaken most of the emotional cobwebs of the last four months by working tirelessly at fixing as much as I can from the damage.

It may be a tired and well-worn cliche, but it really doesn't get any easier as one gets older.  If anything, age makes things more difficult.  There is definitely a sense of "ageism" out there; experience seems to be so under-valued and unappreciated.  But I've gotten back up to a fresh and major plateau that I didn't think possible; at least, not this quickly.

Thankful?  You'd better believe it.  Relieved?  To a large extent.  Time and patience will tell the rest.  All I can do is continue to let the universe unfold as it's supposed to - naturally.

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Only a memory no. 2

It was 31 years ago tonight that I met someone.  She changed my life completely.  From the moment that we looked in one another's eyes, we spent the next 7.5 years together.  She left me 23 years ago and departed from this world two years ago.  But this date is etched in my mind and heart until my time's up.  We were very happy for a long time and those are the times I choose to think about.

I miss those two people.  They were nice; they were full of hope and drive and life.  She certainly filled me with hope, drive and life.  And she'll forever be part of me.

Thursday, May 04, 2017

The hope for May

As I've said for years, including on this blog, May has always been my favorite month.  There's just something so right about it; the warmth, the smell of the newly blossomed trees and flowers and fresh-cut grass - the promise of new things.

After the sadness and darkness that surrounded me for the last few months, I have glimmers of hope.  It's hard to keep an optimistic eye opened, but that's what I'm trying to do.  Moving forward - looking at the light and at different avenues to walk down.  Belief is everything - in myself, a higher being - whatever it is that sustains you.  And I do have some measure of belief in both myself and the highter powers.  Yes, I have my moments of despair and fear, etc. but I let them wash over me and pass - I don't hold on to them or let them control or cripple me.  Even when I feel it coming on, I pivot and find a comforting and hope-colored thought to push back.

And with the sun and warmth and soothing winds of the last few days to start this beautiful month, I have to take it and run with it.

Thursday, April 06, 2017

When the rain comes (No. 2)

It's pouring outside; thunder roars in the distances; the sound of water running off the trees and from the drains of my apartment building is the only thing I hear right now.

The days have been long; sometimes painful and sometimes tedious.  Being caught in a netherworld of uncertainty is a difficult thing to endure.  Not knowing what will happen next is painful on so many different levels.  I've never been the kind of person who likes things to be or remain at loose ends; resolution is preferable so I at least have a greater sense of understanding.  At the same time, patience is vital; learning or refining the art of patience is something I have never been particularly adept at, but I'm trying.

Focus; calm; trying to re-establish rational thought.  Those are the key components now.  To be able to see what is and what is not; what may or may not be.  And hope.  Which I have to hold on to now, more than ever.

I know I used to always say "time is your friend" and to "let the universe unfold naturally".  I need to remind myself of this constantly, like a mantra.

And I'm trying.