ManicRobThrill

Tuesday, April 16, 2019

Warm and beautiful

We're finally getting there - signs of spring; that certain smell of grass and the cherry blossom outside my apartment building is exhilarating; baseball in full flight makes the child in me happy and I can't wait to finally divest myself of winter coats in full (still a nip in the air that makes it hard to go full denim jacket yet).

What I do know is that I feel much lighter than I had; the strain of the recent corporate move I experienced is over.  I've had the chance to decompress and breathe again; I'm able to put my schedule and priorities back in order and am finding the way forward again.  Getting a focus on the writing is one - garnering the enthusiasm to play guitar and work on songs is another.  So too is the need for working out and spending time with friends; I've allowed myself to be reclusive for far too long now and it's not a good thing to do.

So I have the short list at the ready and I'm looking forward to ticking items off, one by one, as the weather gets warmer and my vision continues to sharpen.

Saturday, March 16, 2019

Springing forward but not there yet...

These last few weeks have been a semi-blur; I have been running on adrenaline and fumes.  The company I work for underwent an office move and I was at the core of the task, which was long, arduous and unnecessarily fraught with frustration upon frustration.  Thankfully, it's over - worked the past two weekends - and I had this weekend to begin the decompression process, starting on Friday night, when I got home.

Had the opportunity to see Elton John give his farewell performance last night; having gone with my favorite person on the planet made the event so much sweeter and meaningful.  And we had a great time, filled with endless laughs (along with a three-hour greatest hits set).  While I was dragging my feet before I left, I did finally come around and realized once I was on my way home, I really needed a night like last night.  To spend time with her and laugh and talk and enjoy great music was the perfect release after the last few weeks being built up filled with tension, nerves and a great deal of unhealthy aggravation.

So now the weather is getting increasingly warmer; slowly, I feel physically better which, in turn, makes me feel mentally sharper.  Been getting back to writing consistantly, albeit without the unnecessary machine-like rapid need to crank out reviews, etc.  The fact is:  I don't get paid for it, so I'm not going to go out of my way.  That's not being unreasonable - it's time and attention consuming and there are other things that need tending to.  The podcast continues to grow in its success in leaps and bounds and while we now have an international audience, I'd love to see revenue come in for that.  But again - who knows what avenues are out there for it to take that "professional" turn.

Spring training baseball is here, tax time - so all I can do is smile and say "okay, it's that time."  And revel in it.

Friday, February 08, 2019

February's quiet no. 2

I've come to the realization that I don't like the month of February; this one in particular has been harsh in that two dear friends lost loved ones in a day of one another.  This is also the month when I (certainly) am cruelly reminded that the woman I once loved and shared my life with also passed away - gone four years now.  It is a month that I am on auto-pilot and glad that it's the shortest.

My lack of energy, drive or interest in most things is a curiosity to me.  I can come up with a host of ideas as to why, but right now, I am physically wiped out.  Oddly enough, in this state, I'm being productive on a low-scale level.  Doing writing, being on top of things at work as much as possible (when not at the mercy of waiting for others), etc. - trying to keep moving and not lie dormant until next month.

I know all too well, as the song says, "you're in a rut - you gotta get out of it" and I do.  And I'm trying.  Which is all anyone CAN do.

Tuesday, January 01, 2019

New day, new year, new approach

It's not even noon on the first day of 2019.  If I'm going to "get my magic back" (to use an old McCartney-ism), I may as well start with writing something on New Year's Day!

It was a quiet last day of vacation/New Year's Eve - taking the car for an oil change is about as much excitement as I could bear...  Those 20 minutes were agony (ha ha ha)!  After coming home, I set out the evening celebration meal - Liz had to work, so I wanted her to come home and be able to unwind, relax and not have to do anything; she deserved some down time.  Your basic New Year's Eve fare for two:  shrimp, vegetables, cheeses, bread, fruit and cookies, plus plenty of seltzer, since neither one of us wanted to imbibe any alcohol.  Watched television, kissed at midnight and went to bed.  At nearly 54, I'm not exactly the party type and I certainly wouldn't want to be physically out somewhere on this night - never mind that it was pouring rain from the afternoon onward.

The time off from the 21st until today has been helpful; I was able to clear out some mental cobwebs, get physical rest/sleep and let my body heal a bit from the last year's somewhat chronic pains.  I've circulated resumes during the time off; did a little bit of writing (one music review) and navigated two more podcast episodes.  Money has been tight but all in all, I think we're starting to see the shore after a frustratingly long swim.

Whatever your hopes and goals are for 2019, I hope you reach them and obtain them; let's hope that these last two years are left behind in the rear view mirror and we can see some positive results without too many more negative ones to trip any of us up.

Tuesday, December 18, 2018

Sprinting towards the end...

We're near the end of another difficult year; I'm on the 14th year of this blog - and I will continue as long as Blogger exists; that will not change.  But after two years of (seemingly) being in the wild wood, I've started to mentally prepare to charge forward into 2019 with some very clear targets aimed at and to be obtained.  As with everything else, especially as one gets older, it takes time, focus and patience - somewhere along the lines over these two years, I keep allowing myself to be sidetracked and that is completely my own undoing.

So it's back to square one - a proverbial list of what I need/want.  Nothing lofty, ludicrous or embarrassing - just to improve my physical health, which will, in turn, lift up my mental and spiritual health; to re-energize my musical talents and get back to playing with regularity and power and to find a better job - higher salary, available benefits and bonuses and a hopefully positive work atmosphere.  As I said, all of which takes time and patience, as well as diligence.

Xmas is next week; I begin a break from my current job starting this Friday; I will try to use that time off to my advantage and prepare for the oncoming year with positivity.

Thursday, November 22, 2018

Giving thanks (reocurring themes)

Better things have been happening, lately - Liz found a new job after several months of looking.  For the first time in our 20 years together, I've never seen her this happy, going to work.  She likes what she's doing; she likes the people - it's something she's never experienced, until now, and I couldn't be happier for her or more proud with the way she dealt with the situation.  A dear friend has also found something that will both fulfill and pay her better after toiling away at a job that drained her physically, emotionally and financially, so she's now on a better plane.  I still seek something else; something new but that's only because I feel and need better.  The constant pains I've had for the last few months have nearly disappeared, so I'm thankful that I'm physically feeling much more like myself.  And some of the relationships that I thought were starting to dissipate are turning back around into meeting one another in a united front.

I look at 2017 and 2018 as, for all intents and purposes, lost years.  There's no way around it.  But the good thing is that there is always tomorrow and beyond, so there is always that moment when things turn around.  Patience and prudence will see me through it - I know this.  And I take comfort in, as I said, the "small victories" that I can look upon as positives to build upon.

Sunday, October 14, 2018

October faction no. 2

The weather is slowly starting to become cooler; it's hard to think, feel motivated or be productive in such consistently oppressive humidity.  I simply feel disgusting every single day; it's hard not.  It also leaves me drained of energy so that by day's end, I find my feet and mind dragging - it's a chore to sit down and try to write about music, etc., let along muster the enthusiasm to deliver a good conversational performance when Jon and I do Radio City...  Nonetheless, I feel a little bit more awake; aware and that's an uplift.

I feel like I've been ignoring everything, including this blog and it's because of this irritation of "no inspiration" but I'm fighting my way through it.  My plan for this week is to actually go to the gym after work for all the right reasons (like just feeling good!) and to try and clear out more of the CD's that sit atop my desk by reviewing them.  While I have two chosen boxsets and a specific new CD to write about as a higher priority, I'm pretty sure by December, the "office" room in my apartment will be in order.  It's also time to start finalizing plans for the vacation break from work by preparing to do a winter cleaning and selling some of my guitars.

While I've been lax in doing anything in particular - or anything meaningful for me - it's nice to finally feel the mental fog lifting so I can begin to see the way forward again.