ManicRobThrill

Wednesday, August 07, 2019

The nondescript nature of August...

I'm not sure what to say, at this point.  I am completely emotionally drained and disconnected. 

Before anyone misinterprets what I'm feeling or tries to be analytical in the predictably ham-handed way, allow me to say what it is:  I am absolutely fine - healthy, not in any relationship difficulties, gainfully employed, etc.  But there is a definite need to push myself further away from:

- the ponderous motives of some people in my family
- the ridiculous childishness of friends who have taken to an almost drug-like addiction to MISINFORMED/NON-FACTUAL political sloganeering/confrontation, etc.
- music has become lifeless and uninteresting/uninspiring.  I don't mean what I listen to or try to write, etc.  I mean the crap that's actually making it out onto the market.  Shouldn't there be a law against this?

It's the second of this list that has me more distanced than anything else.  You can't have a civilized conversation with anyone unless they know your political stance; you can't enjoy frivolity without being grilled about who you intend to vote for.  And even if you're of the same party but have different candidate choices, beware - all hell is going to break loose.  What EVERYONE, while getting worked up and frenzied to a lunatic degree, is completely forgetting and overlooking is that the Presidential election is NOT until November, 2020.  It's only August, 2019.  Do you think for one moment that most of the "novelty" candidates that are out there right now will be on anyone's radar by the time actual nominations are announced?  We have reached a new intolerance for one another and overall, it makes me have no desire to be around anyone, once work hours are done.  Even friends are becoming an "approach with caution" kind of commodity; there are maybe one or two I don't have to think about spending time with and have the same kind of worry-free abandon/embrace.  The rest, I just don't know.  I don't want to spend (and invariably, waste) my time in my desire to have a casual drink and good conversation, only to wind up having to hear some insipidly thwarted manifesto or be lectured.

As far as any kind of "family ties" - I have no interest in engaging in conversations about relatives who are long no longer alive.  It may be a flag of convenience for some, but it has no meaning or validity for me.

Music?  I have no idea what's out there; what I've heard that passes for "popular" is aural garbage.  And while it's nice to see/hear younger people take an interest in bands from another era (such as many of the bands I've liked/loved, etc.), they can't expect or hope to see many of them now since so much time has come and gone.

Again, I'm not in a funk - I'm just drained and I can point fingers at specific causes and individuals, but this, like everything else, will pass sooner than later.

Wednesday, July 17, 2019

Hotter than a match...

Is it awful or cheesy of me to pull such an obvious quote from The Lovin' Spoonful's biggest hit?  No, because everyone knows they're one of my favorite bands.

Not the usual way one would want to open up a posting but there's a lot and nothing to be said.  It's been oppressively and unhealthily hot, so much so, it leaves me exhausted by day's end, not wanting to get off the couch once I arrive home.  I try to not spend money foolishly; I pretty much keep to myself and only once in a while do I socialize.  I don't feel particularly warm and fuzzy towards most individuals these days.  I've reached a reasonable end point with most of the human race.  The people I love and am closest to know this - and it seems they've also had their fill.

No one knows when to stop - social media justice warriors; virtue signalers; special interest, self-absorbed liars, bigots, hypocrites and those who are so ill-informed - and willfully uneducated - and I don't want to hear it any longer.  This psychotic, obsessive "politically correct" atmosphere has gone beyond its' own boiling point (and mine) into over saturation.  The faux-politik that's spread now like a plague is shameful, embarrassing and dangerous.  I want no part of anyone who is immersed in this kind of childish foolishness.  Childishness is a big part of it all - the only thing I've seen/heard are constant temper tantrums by the left.  Plus, this raging "new infantilism", where people my age act and talk like children is frightening.  You're in your 50's - what the fuck are you doing, talking so reverentially about comic books or dressing like a "superhero"?  Jesus - grow up.  Are you consciously avoiding adulthood, even though you're deep in it?  It's an embarrassment.  Stop it.  Everyone.  Just stop it.

The right doesn't get a pass, but it also doesn't need to be dissected, either - it is now, as it's always been.  Predictability doesn't give it a perfunctory "it's alright" but certainly, the current President of the United States is NOT someone who shocks or "morally outrages" me.  So stop the posturing and pontification:  Donald Trump is going to win another four years if the Democratic Party doesn't come up with a solid, focused and marketable (since they're as full of shit as the day is long) platform that could help unseat the current Federal government.

The "children" running rampant on the left need to be quiet and educate/prepare; they need to stop being angry on my behalf and telling me that if I don't agree with them, I'm a Nazi.  They need to shut the fuck up and start listening.  Or mark my words - nothing is going to change come election day 2020.  I'm already more than exhausted by politics; we suffered a two-year election cycle, starting in 2015 (I was in New Orleans at the time); it hasn't stopped and we're still at it. 

I have little faith in people.  Justifiably so.

Sunday, June 16, 2019

Father's day

It's been 9 years since my father died; he passed right after Mother's Day 2010.  While it does get a little easier with every year that goes by, I still miss him - as I do my mother (that was 30 years ago, this past April).  

I was very fortunate; my parents were good people who loved me, made me feel loved and protected and only wanted the best for me - especially as they didn't have money.  They raised me well - taught me well; how to do things correctly (and it's always been of my own doing when I went down a wrong path) and how to (most importantly) think for myself.  That lesson served me well, when I saw friends start to get into alcohol and drugs as a teenager.  They knew I would experiment but they also knew I did have a rational, balanced head on my shoulders.  So I never fell prey to the pitfalls.

My dad was a kind and patient man; he had his own struggles, problems and sadness; by the time he had to move into assisted living, our roles had reversed - I was the parent and he was, tragically, the child.  But over the 21 years that he and I had to tough it out after my mother's death, we got to know one another as people and that's something that will happily live with me for the remainder of my life.

I'm not a father, but I'm sure I would have done a good job, as my dad did with me.

Saturday, May 25, 2019

That's entertainment

It just dawned on me that I hadn't sat down and entered anything for the month of May, which is, by and large, my favorite month of the year.  Several reasons why - the two people I love most in this world were born in May; I met the woman I loved for several years in May; it's always warm and beautiful and the feeling - the temperature - is just right.  By Memorial Day weekend, which always signifies, to me, the start of summer, I get my head shaved for the comfort from the upcoming heat.  And the most important influence in my life, since I was 15, was born on May 25th.

So I have more than ample reason to wrap my arms around May.

This is the musical reason, right here:


Tuesday, April 16, 2019

Warm and beautiful

We're finally getting there - signs of spring; that certain smell of grass and the cherry blossom outside my apartment building is exhilarating; baseball in full flight makes the child in me happy and I can't wait to finally divest myself of winter coats in full (still a nip in the air that makes it hard to go full denim jacket yet).

What I do know is that I feel much lighter than I had; the strain of the recent corporate move I experienced is over.  I've had the chance to decompress and breathe again; I'm able to put my schedule and priorities back in order and am finding the way forward again.  Getting a focus on the writing is one - garnering the enthusiasm to play guitar and work on songs is another.  So too is the need for working out and spending time with friends; I've allowed myself to be reclusive for far too long now and it's not a good thing to do.

So I have the short list at the ready and I'm looking forward to ticking items off, one by one, as the weather gets warmer and my vision continues to sharpen.

Saturday, March 16, 2019

Springing forward but not there yet...

These last few weeks have been a semi-blur; I have been running on adrenaline and fumes.  The company I work for underwent an office move and I was at the core of the task, which was long, arduous and unnecessarily fraught with frustration upon frustration.  Thankfully, it's over - worked the past two weekends - and I had this weekend to begin the decompression process, starting on Friday night, when I got home.

Had the opportunity to see Elton John give his farewell performance last night; having gone with my favorite person on the planet made the event so much sweeter and meaningful.  And we had a great time, filled with endless laughs (along with a three-hour greatest hits set).  While I was dragging my feet before I left, I did finally come around and realized once I was on my way home, I really needed a night like last night.  To spend time with her and laugh and talk and enjoy great music was the perfect release after the last few weeks being built up filled with tension, nerves and a great deal of unhealthy aggravation.

So now the weather is getting increasingly warmer; slowly, I feel physically better which, in turn, makes me feel mentally sharper.  Been getting back to writing consistantly, albeit without the unnecessary machine-like rapid need to crank out reviews, etc.  The fact is:  I don't get paid for it, so I'm not going to go out of my way.  That's not being unreasonable - it's time and attention consuming and there are other things that need tending to.  The podcast continues to grow in its success in leaps and bounds and while we now have an international audience, I'd love to see revenue come in for that.  But again - who knows what avenues are out there for it to take that "professional" turn.

Spring training baseball is here, tax time - so all I can do is smile and say "okay, it's that time."  And revel in it.

Friday, February 08, 2019

February's quiet no. 2

I've come to the realization that I don't like the month of February; this one in particular has been harsh in that two dear friends lost loved ones in a day of one another.  This is also the month when I (certainly) am cruelly reminded that the woman I once loved and shared my life with also passed away - gone four years now.  It is a month that I am on auto-pilot and glad that it's the shortest.

My lack of energy, drive or interest in most things is a curiosity to me.  I can come up with a host of ideas as to why, but right now, I am physically wiped out.  Oddly enough, in this state, I'm being productive on a low-scale level.  Doing writing, being on top of things at work as much as possible (when not at the mercy of waiting for others), etc. - trying to keep moving and not lie dormant until next month.

I know all too well, as the song says, "you're in a rut - you gotta get out of it" and I do.  And I'm trying.  Which is all anyone CAN do.