ManicRobThrill

Wednesday, May 16, 2018

First of May

Kind of misleading, I know, but this is the first posting of my favorite month.  The weather is behaving nicely - even when it rains, it's still warm and comfortable and seeing things like the cherry blossom outside my apartment in complete bloom makes me feel good.  A balmy Saturday morning in my neighborhood, equals the wonderful smell of freshly mowed grass and the foods coming from the adjoining farmer's market next door.

As always I'm moving forward with trying to shift and balance the creative fulcrum; I've decided to draw back a bit from the writing for Popdose; while "Radio City..." is still an endless source of joy and quality thinking, I'm going to focus on the music again - the stockpile of songs written and aching to be recorded, heard.  So many of my friends can't be wrong:  "you need to finish this album" and "when are you going to get on a stage again?  I want to see you play live" are the most-often repeated questions.  And for that, I'm grateful and inspired.  So why not?  There's no emotional conundrum here; I've just been criminally lazy and negligent.  So I have to stop it and get on my horse.  It's that simple.

Of course, I would be remiss if I didn't make note that today is 32 years since the moment that changed the course of my life forever and for the better.  The night I met that wonderful girl who made me happy for so long.  While whatever I can remember with clarity of that night brings me nothing but joy of the memory, I am still very sad and somewhat angry that she's no longer alive.  I don't know if that's childish or selfish, but this day will always mean something very deep and powerful for me.

Friday, April 13, 2018

April rains (and snows...)

It's gone from cold and grey, when I simply can't stand it to being insanely warm - which, even though I overdressed a bit, I'll take.  It's spring and it's now time for my denim jacket, not my parka, scarf, gloves and snow boots.  Ridiculous!  But thankfully, we may finally be away from the coats and sweaters...  I hope!

Nonetheless, I'm feeling pretty good; pretty sharp and as per usual, cautiously optimistic.  While there are a lot of things happening around me, my own take is that with time and temperance, my own spin is going just fine.  And spring always signifies something good, positive and constructive.  Granted, I've often been lax about doing the things I say I'm going to - especially as time passes and I get older and more tired - but I've actually been doing, instead of thinking or talking about.

So the warmth has melted my frozen mental state (!) and reawakened my drive and motivation.  And I can't ask for more, can I?  I mean, I could, but what's the point.  When it's good, why push when you don't need to...

Friday, March 09, 2018

Marching into all that is good

At the tail end of the season I despise, the last week or so has seen greater physical warmth.  Excepting today, naturally, as I write this - another nor'easter is supposed to be hitting New York tomorrow.  It's March; when things start to become good, right again.  The hat and gloves are in the closet and spring training baseball is on the air; the taxes are being done and loose ends are being tied up in the fashion I prefer.

I enjoy getting up in the morning and going to work; this job is fulfilling and rewarding and the people I work with are good, kind and interesting individuals.  I like going out for drinks with them after hours and getting to know them.  I feel a part of something, which I haven't felt in a very long time - for which, I'm both glad and grateful.

I've said this before but I used to be the "glass half empty" guy - now I'm the "glass half full" guy.  It's a better way to view life.

Friday, February 09, 2018

Back in the game

So after a year of life having been turned upside down, all the nightmares and headaches are over.  My world is now balanced and coasting on resumed normalcy; I can breathe easy and look toward everything again with a clear vision of what may be ahead - and right now, all I see is good and positive.

I know - and have always believed - that change is good.  I'm not one who fears or is resistant to change; I embrace it.  But it's usually under the guise of initiating and making the changes myself, not having them made arbitrarily for me.  I'm too old to have to just take it on the chin and be a good sport.  However, at this age, I look at the new experiences as having been necessary - and in so many ways, a very long time coming; I just didn't enjoy the way I road I had to take to get here.

Nonetheless, while it's damn cold out and biting, it's warm in my little orbit.  So off I go into the wild blue yonder with a grin and a thumbs up.

Saturday, January 13, 2018

Watch the sunrise

Another double-entendre, since yes, it's a Big Star song and it IS 5:20 a.m.  Couldn't sleep anymore, considering I went to bed after midnight, which isn't my usual thing.  At the same time, the hoped-for conclusion to a very unhappy chapter did occur happily two days ago, so there's yet again a reason to absorb the metaphoric brightness of a new day after walking through a long, dark nightmare.  Starting today, I finally do get to begin living in full again.

That pre-birthday celebartion from last week will now be a post-birthday dinner tonight, thanks to an over-hyped snowstorm - and I'm glad because this way, we can spend more time together in the evening, rather than rushing on a weeknight; next week, The Posies...  and so many wonderful things now planned and confirmed - yes, you do get a second chance to breathe, sometimes.

So for an early Saturday morning - and feeling energetic before I've even had my coffee, it's time to start getting the day in order, which includes the wonderfully mundane like scooping the catboxes now and then grocery shopping before the usual weekend deluge.  Except, I'll savor it today.

Tuesday, January 02, 2018

Nine below zero

Second day of the new year; second week of temperatures in the teens and tomorrow I start my new job.  Excited/elated/joyful/slightly nervous - and I would think justifiably so.  I can only hope the good vibes keep me warm as I make my way back into the city and up to the Village.

So much to look forward to already - dinner on Thursday night with my favorite person in the world; my 53rd birthday on Sunday; The Posies at City Winery on the 24th.  All that remains a question mark is taking care of last year's business on the 11th.  One hopes it concludes the way I hope it will.

Nevertheless, we've managed to escape a bizarre and trying year like 2017.  This is like no other year I've ever been witness to.  Some high "ups" and the deepest, lowest of "downs" - not just personally, but it seems globally.  Certainly, I cannot count a single friend who thought last year was any good.

Here I am - filled with hope and some restrained optimism.  That isn't bad criteria at all to begin this year with, is it?

Saturday, December 23, 2017

Thirteen

Double entendre?  Sure.  Obvious that I would reference Big Star but for a good reason - I just realized this blog page is now thirteen years old.  Which, frankly, is shocking.  So many blogs - including ones I would read either daily or regularly - are now long gone; this being a "fad" seems to have been just that, since Facebook and the other forms of greater (narcissistic) social media have been society's driving force and no one looks at blogs as a viable form of, if nothing else, quality writing, as there were a lot of terrific writers doing this.

I know I've been over this before, but I did it as a means of clearing my head; writing as I was thinking, as I never was keen on nor had the patience to actually write a diary or journal.  This also began at a time when I was in the throes of a return to playing in a band again, which certainly made sense at that point and age, since we were recording an album and I'd never previously taken the time to chronicle the experience.  At the same time, the counterbalance to that is "returning to playing in a band again" - at near 40, I think it was, in hindsight and during that initial regular entry period, a mistake - at that particular moment.  I felt - even though the decision was ultimately mine; my responsibility - that I'd been pushed into revisiting something that I didn't need anymore; didn't want to "relive my youth" and even though I understood there were people close to me who wanted to see me "do it again", it really wasn't what I wanted - but I gave in to not-better-judgement.  The point is, this blog served as a chronicle, when all was said and done, of a band that was already teetering precariously off-balance and ultimately would disintegrate mostly because I didn't give a shit and didn't like the circumstances I was surrounded by/with.

Like all good things, I didn't continue writing every day as I had - there were other things to concentrate and focus on; 2010's entries were always cryptic and almost prose, but everyone who knows me knows why I wrote in that manner, during that period.  Suffice it to say that it was quite a learning experience and I one I hope to never have to repeat in the same fashion.  Ugh!  Or earlier this year.  A different set of circumstances and an entirely different scenario, but no less painfully difficult.

Nonetheless, this blog, as infrequently as I post, continues to serve me well.  Even if it's a few lines; a few words, I can still clear out those cobwebs so I can re-balance and re-focus.

So after thirteen years, and until Blogger ceases to exist, I'll continue to come in with my random thoughts and views.  It's a nice forum to have.

Happy holidays to all!