ManicRobThrill

Saturday, December 23, 2017

Thirteen

Double entendre?  Sure.  Obvious that I would reference Big Star but for a good reason - I just realized this blog page is now thirteen years old.  Which, frankly, is shocking.  So many blogs - including ones I would read either daily or regularly - are now long gone; this being a "fad" seems to have been just that, since Facebook and the other forms of greater (narcissistic) social media have been society's driving force and no one looks at blogs as a viable form of, if nothing else, quality writing, as there were a lot of terrific writers doing this.

I know I've been over this before, but I did it as a means of clearing my head; writing as I was thinking, as I never was keen on nor had the patience to actually write a diary or journal.  This also began at a time when I was in the throes of a return to playing in a band again, which certainly made sense at that point and age, since we were recording an album and I'd never previously taken the time to chronicle the experience.  At the same time, the counterbalance to that is "returning to playing in a band again" - at near 40, I think it was, in hindsight and during that initial regular entry period, a mistake - at that particular moment.  I felt - even though the decision was ultimately mine; my responsibility - that I'd been pushed into revisiting something that I didn't need anymore; didn't want to "relive my youth" and even though I understood there were people close to me who wanted to see me "do it again", it really wasn't what I wanted - but I gave in to not-better-judgement.  The point is, this blog served as a chronicle, when all was said and done, of a band that was already teetering precariously off-balance and ultimately would disintegrate mostly because I didn't give a shit and didn't like the circumstances I was surrounded by/with. 

Like all good things, I didn't continue writing every day as I had - there were other things to concentrate and focus on; 2010's entries were always cryptic and almost prose, but everyone who knows me knows why I wrote in that manner, during that period.  Suffice it to say that it was quite a learning experience and I one I hope to never have to repeat in the same manner.  Ugh!  Or earlier this year.  A different set of circumstances and an entirely different scenario, but no less painfully difficult.

Nonetheless, this blog, as infrequently as I post, continues to serve me well.  Even if it's a few lines; a few words, I can still clear out those cobwebs so I can re-balance and re-focus.

So after thirteen years, and until Blogger ceases to exist, I'll continue to come in with my random thoughts and views.  It's a nice forum to have.

Happy holidays to all!

Thursday, December 07, 2017

Hope of deliverance no. 2

As I have been on this somewhat calm and positive path, with a focused state of mind, now comes the incredible news that I have found a new job that pays well (a great deal more than the one I currently have), has ample time off, benefits, actual room for growth and in a neighborhood I love (and essentially grew up in) - this could not have come at a better time.  I am beyond thankful, relieved and filled with joy.  It begins January 2nd and it's the best way to begin a new year - on a completely fresh journey.  Which is a relief in and of itself, to be rid of all the negatives 2017 brought - and I know I'm not the only one who feels this way.

Am I kidding myself that life is now near-perfect?  No, by virtue of the fact that there is still the one very dark loose end that needs to be tied up once and for all.  That will come in early January - and I can only continue to have hope that it will be with the desired outcome.  But I remain vigilant and patient.

Today is also equally special to me because it was on this day four years ago we lost the great love of my life, my precious, beautiful cat Midnight and immediately were saved when we met and fell in love with a tiny, sweet bundle of fuzz, our darling Roxy.  She brought the light and laughter back so that we wouldn't be able to be absorbed with the shock and devastation of being without Moonie; if there was ever a cat sent from Heaven, it's her.

So I have even more to be thankful for.  And I am, undoubtedly.