Sunday, August 14, 2011

When the rain comes

A morning like this is a perfect time to drink coffee, gather my thoughts and write. The problem is, I'm not really sure what I want to say. Part of me wants to begin coming clean about the "changes" I'm going through--and on the other hand, part of me thinks that it's too personal. I want to write about the more positive things that my life has become focused on and yet I need to put the past to bed. And no, rest assured, I am not talking about the mis-step I made last year; I'm talking about having the ability to face the truth and say "I'm not to blame for what's happened; I did not start this unraveling of our lives" and I absolutely will not kowtow to anyone. For those who were witnesses to the ugly beginning, well, you know exactly what happened. You know that I, in fact, made a wrong choice to stay. Now I'm getting the ship to set sail correctly. It's eaten at me like a cancer; I put up with a lot of nonsense and accusations and so on, but simply put--I know (and many others do, as well) that the truth is more on my side.

Sometimes you need a dark day to make sense out of darker thoughts so that way they can be washed away and only found later when the sun is shining, so you can see in the light what you couldn't help stumbling over in the dark.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011


This has been a week of physical recharging, daily trips to the gym and planning the oncoming next phase of my life. It's been an interesting, if not at moments, emotionally challenging kind of week. I'm only halfway through it and hopefully the last two days will yield some creative bursts--time is always too short.

I've been finding myself spending more time alone--physically and with my own thoughts. Sometimes I'm not sure that it's the healthiest thing in the world, per se, but at other times, I think it's crucial in order to clear out any of the remaining doubts, unwanted memories and clutter that hinders clarity.