Thursday, May 22, 2008

Passing through the storm

Another one of those readjustment periods. I have a plan in place that I'm focused on and working towards. It makes each day easier to get through without making myself ill (at the least).

Looking forward to the long weekend; can't remember much of last year as we were still in Union. Getting out at 1 means a chance to walk around the Village, go to Astor and grab a bite at Le Figaro. Visit Dad and maybe take care of the groceries.

Saturday is a visit to Brother B's new pad; I always enjoy the drive to Pennsylvania. Sunday--gym in the a.m. and run errands. After that, I may attempt to get some studio time in.

All I'm gearing myself towards is getting and staying back on my own track.

Monday, May 19, 2008

The politics of time

This past weekend was a date that I tend to remember; it's one of those dates that means something to me, years after the fact and although I'm not falsely sentimental, I still smile and feel warm when I think about the past. Although my memory isn't as sharp as it used to be, I still remember that period, 22 years ago as if they were snapshots. Glimpses are worth their weight in emotional gold.

Friday, May 16, 2008

With no fanfare

I don't enjoy reading back over some of these postings, to be honest. It makes me sound like a moaning, discontented bastard. Yet, I do feel a bit better when I'm writing out the aggravation, rather than letting my hands shake.

I know change always has profound effect on people; usually I tend to think of it as being beneficial for me, rather than staying in the same routine for too long in time. But the recent changes have made me realize that sometimes you may not be better off changing. But what do you do? Sit and wait for the other shoe to drop or make something happen for the better?

Either way, enough pontificating and more of the focus and getting on with improving the situation all around.

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Ups, downs and other assorted idioms

I don't have much of a life anymore.

The frustrations have returned and the realization is I have to up my game and fast. This is not a healthy situation for me.

My health concerns me greatly. I went through something similar about 6 years ago; I'm certainly a lot healthier (mentally) and stronger (physically and emotionally), but I can feel the constant tension in me and my fear is the elevation of my blood pressure.

By having this go on in such a manner, it's affected my life in the expected ways. I don't really want to talk to anyone. I don't say much to Liz. We barely speak. When we do, it's brief. When any of my relatives ask me how things are, I lie and say "oh, everything's great". I try to keep myself awake on the ferry ride home. I fall asleep while watching t.v., sitting on the sofa and always fairly early. My eating habits are horrible; I haven't made the trip to a gym I paid for; I haven't done anything musically since I designed the album cover and made some half-hearted attempts at starting to record. I just don't want to do anything.

This is the most stressed I've felt since the move to N.J./work in N.J./the band needs to split up period. Otherwise, from October '06 on, it's been all good.

Sorry to sound like such a downer; I just needed to vent.

Thursday, May 01, 2008

First of May

Actually, that was just my clever reference to a beautiful song by The Bee Gees. Fitting for a day like today. Always my favorite month.

Happy to report that my dad is back at New Broadview, looking healthy and glad to be able to walk outside and get fresh air; I'm relieved that he's back in more familiar surroundings and that hopefully, now he can adjust to life there.

Work has been getting better and better; I'm busy and trying to make a positive mark with my position and the people I work with are a good group, so the efforts are worth it. I'm just physically tired and I think it may be time to schedule my yearly physical and a visit to the dentist and the eye doctor--something tells me I may need glasses again.

Going to the gym this weekend and plan to hit it hard. Trying to remain focused in this desire to regain the complete control on the reins of my life. If time allows, I'll try to get some recording time in as well.

Beyond that, no other major plans--crappy weather is the order and I could use some down time.