Ups, downs and other assorted idioms

I don't have much of a life anymore.

The frustrations have returned and the realization is I have to up my game and fast. This is not a healthy situation for me.

My health concerns me greatly. I went through something similar about 6 years ago; I'm certainly a lot healthier (mentally) and stronger (physically and emotionally), but I can feel the constant tension in me and my fear is the elevation of my blood pressure.

By having this go on in such a manner, it's affected my life in the expected ways. I don't really want to talk to anyone. I don't say much to Liz. We barely speak. When we do, it's brief. When any of my relatives ask me how things are, I lie and say "oh, everything's great". I try to keep myself awake on the ferry ride home. I fall asleep while watching t.v., sitting on the sofa and always fairly early. My eating habits are horrible; I haven't made the trip to a gym I paid for; I haven't done anything musically since I designed the album cover and made some half-hearted attempts at starting to record. I just don't want to do anything.

This is the most stressed I've felt since the move to N.J./work in N.J./the band needs to split up period. Otherwise, from October '06 on, it's been all good.

Sorry to sound like such a downer; I just needed to vent.