Saturday, July 12, 2008

A sermon?

I'm not big on pushing any kind of spiritual beliefs on anyone, but I do have to say, I've been feeling very humbled (if you will) and thankful to God lately. I'm thankful for the family and friends that I have, who have done everything possible to help me get through this very rough patch. I know it hasn't been easy on them and I'm sorry if I made anyone uneasy or worried, etc. That's never been my intention. I couldn't see anything past negative thoughts and being constantly, physically ill. I know now the toll it took on me, but I hope it didn't hurt them in any way. The support of my family and my friends have been the only thing that has helped me. And their help and endless generosity is amazing, especially as it continues. So for that, I thank God.

I also am very grateful for the fact that "old" friends have been in contact and in some cases, new, reborn relationships have been re-established. Through the years, I've learned and re-learned what a two-way relationship really means and I feel like many have been connected in the right way. Case and point, my (at this point in time) oldest friend in the world, A., and I have a 29-year history--a 25 year separation after high school--and now, a firmly set bond that I'm confident will never be broken again. And a person like her doesn't come along often in life. I knew her from the time we were both 14 and now I know her again and she's still the same selfless, loving, giving and caring human being she was, even when we were both teens. Only time and circumstances have changed us, but her soul is still the same--pure love. And, if truth be told, she's still the same encouraging girl she was when I first starting writing and our friendship was born of her appreciation of my writing--so without her then, I would have never been the writer I became. She was my first muse and she was my angel in so many ways, during a frustrating adolescence (or at least, until high school was over with). So I look at her as being heaven sent--again. A gift from God? I won't dispute that.

Most importantly, my wife. The only reason I was able to push myself through this period. If not for her, I may have walked away from everything years ago and not bothered remaining in touch with the others in my life who do mean so much to me. Liz is always my raison d'etre. It's that simple.

So who else can you say thank you to for all of these blessings? I believe in a higher power and I believe it is that single deity we call God. You don't need to have an organized religion's rules and guidelines--all you need is to look at the people that you have who give you love and emotional support and that is my root and faith in God.

Again, I apologize if you think I'm preaching or I've suddenly found religion--no. I'm just giving thanks out loud for who and what I have in my life. And after a period of being in my own head, I'm able to get out of it and be (hopefully cohesively) vocal about it.

With this, I think I can get back to the focus of what I do in my own good time. As my beloved A. said last night, "you are a writer. You need to get back to doing what you do."

And so I will, very shortly.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Mister pleasant

In trying to re-establish stable footing, I've mustered the ability to e-mail and call many of you to say "I'm sorry" for not having been in touch and to say thank you for bearing with me. I know a lot of us have gone through or are going through difficulties, but I am grateful that so many of you are understanding.

More to follow--just wanted to say thank you, guys.

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Good to be back from the dead

And so... now I can exhale. Hope paid off. Now, all that's left to be done is wrap everything up as neatly as I can.

I've never been so relieved to know that I'm able to move forward again. This period has done me no end of damage--physically and mentally. And now I'm getting the chance to regain control of my life. If you think for one second I'm going to squander any of it, you think wrong. I'm not jumping up and down with glee; I'm thankful that I can breathe again and be freed from this mistake that I made.

I've learned some valuable lessons; many of them have been painful. But I refused to give up and let this job own me completely. The smartest thing anyone can do is be able to take control of their own situation and change it. Now it's on to the next page...

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Can't be any more obvious

Gave myself a deadline... period. I know it's a risk, but it's either that or a heart attack and my health is just not good at this time. So I accept and move forward. I've not been lax or callous; been doing what needs to be done with a full focus and as much hope as one human being can muster.

Some songs have been helping me get through this. I will post them here later. Just wanted to give you the broad update.