Friday, June 21, 2013

Random and then some

What is it that's made me feel so disconnected lately?  To an almost apathetic degree?  I should, if anything, be even more buoyant than I've been for these last two years - prepping to move in October; a new town; new music on the horizon; my writing seems to improve and the audience is expanding.  I have shows to see; experiences to be had and yet...  nothing.  Flat-lining.  Is it the daily grey skies sucking the life out of me and making me so blank?

I don't know why but I'm NOT letting it deter me, that's for sure.  Someone told me Mercury Retrograde is on the bubble, but I'm not buying.  That would be an easy excuse to slide and I'm in no mood to let anything control me since I'm the one holding the reins.  I have a lot of work - in all good ways - ahead of me in the next few weeks with shows, movie premieres, interviews and the like.  Something not tangible is in no way going to block my path.

I can say - and this may make me sound unsympathetic - that the now oft-repeated moaning and childish whining of friends has been grinding on my soul.  For several people, who I've begun moving away from, it's a never-ending barrage of self-centered "woe is me" and all I can offer is simply "if you don't like where you're at, change it".  What more can you say?  It's a broken record and at what point do you have to turn a deaf ear for your own sake?  It drags you down as well, inevitably.  Rather than get into confrontation, I just maintain silence.  It becomes tedious when an adult will not accept accountability for any of their actions.  Excuses just don't fly.

At least I have this forum to air my thoughts and clear out the clutter so I can shake it all off and keep going!

Saturday, June 08, 2013

Time and the river have run dry...

So it comes to pass that Maxwell's in Hoboken is closing on July 31st.  This is difficult for me to digest, even after a few days since it was officially announced.  For more than 30 years, Maxwell's has been part of my life - it has been my musical second home.  A lot of emotions and memories have been churned inside me since the announcement; certainly being able to share it along with so many incredible and wonderful people through the Maxwell's page on Facebook has been therapeutic, to say the least.

I'm not sure I can articulate all I'm feeling when I think about it.  Even going back to the beginning of this blog, I was at Maxwell's with The Punch Line, which was always our meeting place - have drinks, talk, conduct band business, laugh.  The only thing we never did (in either incarnation) was play at Maxwell's - we never were able to say that we'd played the same stage as The Bongos, R.E.M., The dB's, etc.  But that's fine - that dream will always remain pure.  But we were there.  I took a friend of mine as his farewell to the United States to Maxwell's.  Or to go up on random nights with friends to have dinner and unwind.  Years ago, you could go have Sunday brunch.  How many bands did I see there?  I met someone and began dating her at Maxwell's.  I also fell in love with someone at Maxwell's.  Every word; every memory - every thought I have of Maxwell's is one of joy - happiness - and it's somewhat difficult to hold back tears.

It's another chapter in the book of my life that now closes.  Just as R.E.M. called it a day in 2011 and just as I will leave Staten Island in October for the last time.  Life rolls on; things change, people change and grow and move in a different direction.  Nothing lasts forever.  Sometimes sad, but true.

July 31st, I intend to be at that last night.  Will it be a wake?  Will it be a celebration?  Probably a bit of both.  But at least I can say that I know there will be a lot of people who I call friends; people I love and care about, to say goodbye along with me.  And that final, tearful memory will still be a happy one.