Keeping pace

It's almost two months since I left my last job.  I've been on countless interviews - averaging 2 to 3 actual interviews a week, unless you want to include the Zoom and phone conversations as well - then it's a lot more.  I send out at least 10 resumes a day.  I'm doing all that a reasonable person can do, so it's not for lack of effort.  I've been on second and third interviews - and no one has made an offer.  But okay.  I'd rather wait for something that makes sense versus a desperation job, because then I'll be at square one again - wanting to move on as quickly as I begin.  And that's not helpful or positive.

At the same time, I've been physically feeling off for the last two weeks.  My sleep has suddenly been disrupted to me now having insomnia, which I've never had before.  I get occasional pains in my chest and headaches that I've never been susceptible to.  I began to worry about my blood pressure and fears of either a possible heart attack or stroke.

I went to the doctor last Friday and was surprised to find my blood pressure is normal and regular.  The key is to check my blood for cholesterol, diabetes and any signs of heart disease.  I'm starting to diet again because if weight comes down, so does blood pressure and cholesterol.  So that's one immediate shift.  It could also be anxiety, conscious or otherwise, because at times, it feels like a panic attack that doesn't come on in full.  My mind seems unaffected - I've been reading so much more than I have in years; the calm of most days is something I am completely devouring with pleasure, simply because I know it will be over soon enough and I will be back in the daily madness.

My only wish is to just feel right - which truth be told, I haven't felt since the hospital stay last summer.  I know as we get older, things happen.  But the erratic manner in which these waves of feeling slightly ill are a little off-putting.  I know there are things I have to do to help this happen and I'm doing it.  It's like everything else - all I can do.