Autumn stone redux (ad infinitum)

The results of the MRI showed no cancer.  Thursday, October 3rd, I have to go to the hospital for "pre-admission testing" - blood test, EKG, X-ray.  Then, Thursday, the 10th, is the procedure.

I am nervous and frightened and I hate it.  I know this is the only option and it's a non-cutting surgery, but it's the aftermath/recovery that has me so bent out of shape.  A catheter for 6 days; then having to go across the island to the urologist's office for him to remove it has me even more on edge and knowing there are at least 2 - 4 weeks of seeing blood in my urine after that.  The immediate pain and discomfort - I'm going into uncharted waters.  It's all very unnerving at this age.

The benefit is that it will help reduce the enlarged prostate by clearing away the scar tissue; hence, the use of lasers and water; it will take pressure off of my bladder and (hopefully) lessen the possibility of prostate cancer.  It will also reduce my PSA.  And - as per my doctor - I will no longer need the medication I've been taking for the last two years.

It's the tension leading up to this that's been getting to me.  And it's a beautiful time, with the transition from summer to autumn.  It's been magnificent here - light jacket weather immediately; wearing socks and letting my hair grow back in...  The baseball pennant race has been fun - and yet, I'm not able to allow myself to enjoy.

The short version:  I want this to be over and to heal properly and successfully..