Take it back
With some spare peace and quiet, I have time to jot down some thoughts.
Music -- playing/making music for me comes in waves. Sometimes I feel the absolute joy and gratitude that I have always been able to do this. Sometimes it's a chore. Sometimes I regain my awareness that I am not a teenager and am not seeking the holy grail of fame. More often than not in recent months, I find it painful for several reasons -- those I will not write about, as I'm tired of my own voice and the people closest to me know why. Sometimes I no longer feel excited about hearing things; I don't have any interest in "new music"; I don't buy CD's and I don't enjoy going to shows (on that front, time has passed me by and I don't regret it. I am 41 and have seen/heard all I wanted to, past and semi-present). So do I retrace my steps and try to recapture it? No. Nothing could be more insulting or beneath me. I hate the "living in the past" mentality. Enough already. However, by writing the songs that I have been, it connects me to a different line of musical thinking. Case and point--as I've said earlier, these songs are the here and now; what I did with The Punch Line was resurrect songs (as much as I loved them) that lived with another person; the person I was. If I were to do such a thing again, I would be an absolute hypocrite. So forward we go. This new connection is fresh and I'm finding my footing, as I have been moving past the constraints of the life I've been tied to. So even though it isn't the everything that it used to be, my music is still a saving grace.
People -- I neglected to maintain relationships with friends I should have. I cannot say I am filled with regret; it was what it was, but it's an interesting contrast as I allowed myself to hold onto friends that inevitably, the ties would loosen from. I have always been astute enough to see things as they really are; unfortunately, as it's been pointed out by many (as of late), my "nice" and "caring" side led me to hope that these friends would see where they were going wrong in terms of our friendships. Having to point out to someone that they're being unfair/wrong/selfish--whatever the situation was--should never have been my responsibility and I should have said then "I tried--no point". Okay. My error. So we go forward. And that means without them, unless they make the effort. I don't owe anyone anything. I've done my share. It's either walking on the grounds of mutual respect or it's nothing. And being able to just say that as a matter of fact is another saving grace.
Family -- love. Unconditionally. As I've gotten older, I appreciate them more than ever.
Being graced with so many good things and good people around me, after the last few (and naturally misinterpreted) posts of "purging", I can share the positives. I prefer to eliminate all negatives immediately and have now done so.
Time to motor; daylight's burning and there's a song waiting to be recorded this early in the a.m. before the day's activities.
Have a safe and happy 4th.
Music -- playing/making music for me comes in waves. Sometimes I feel the absolute joy and gratitude that I have always been able to do this. Sometimes it's a chore. Sometimes I regain my awareness that I am not a teenager and am not seeking the holy grail of fame. More often than not in recent months, I find it painful for several reasons -- those I will not write about, as I'm tired of my own voice and the people closest to me know why. Sometimes I no longer feel excited about hearing things; I don't have any interest in "new music"; I don't buy CD's and I don't enjoy going to shows (on that front, time has passed me by and I don't regret it. I am 41 and have seen/heard all I wanted to, past and semi-present). So do I retrace my steps and try to recapture it? No. Nothing could be more insulting or beneath me. I hate the "living in the past" mentality. Enough already. However, by writing the songs that I have been, it connects me to a different line of musical thinking. Case and point--as I've said earlier, these songs are the here and now; what I did with The Punch Line was resurrect songs (as much as I loved them) that lived with another person; the person I was. If I were to do such a thing again, I would be an absolute hypocrite. So forward we go. This new connection is fresh and I'm finding my footing, as I have been moving past the constraints of the life I've been tied to. So even though it isn't the everything that it used to be, my music is still a saving grace.
People -- I neglected to maintain relationships with friends I should have. I cannot say I am filled with regret; it was what it was, but it's an interesting contrast as I allowed myself to hold onto friends that inevitably, the ties would loosen from. I have always been astute enough to see things as they really are; unfortunately, as it's been pointed out by many (as of late), my "nice" and "caring" side led me to hope that these friends would see where they were going wrong in terms of our friendships. Having to point out to someone that they're being unfair/wrong/selfish--whatever the situation was--should never have been my responsibility and I should have said then "I tried--no point". Okay. My error. So we go forward. And that means without them, unless they make the effort. I don't owe anyone anything. I've done my share. It's either walking on the grounds of mutual respect or it's nothing. And being able to just say that as a matter of fact is another saving grace.
Family -- love. Unconditionally. As I've gotten older, I appreciate them more than ever.
Being graced with so many good things and good people around me, after the last few (and naturally misinterpreted) posts of "purging", I can share the positives. I prefer to eliminate all negatives immediately and have now done so.
Time to motor; daylight's burning and there's a song waiting to be recorded this early in the a.m. before the day's activities.
Have a safe and happy 4th.
posted by R L Ross at
9:54 AM
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