Left from center

The problem I've been experiencing is the alternates of sides and cycles. One half of me is filled with anger, pain and sadness. The other half is filled with happiness, trepidation, laughter and hesitancy. The two are running parallel with one another. I'll attempt to explain.

One part of your life is over; you end a long-term relationship and try to begin the healing/moving on process. There is no such thing as ease when it happens; try as you might, if you have any kind of soul or sense of feelings, there are going to be emotional torrents. In my case, it's not the break-up of a girlfriend but the end of an actual marriage. Simply put, it isn't as cut-and-dried as one would hope. I invested years, time, belief, faith--in short, everything I had. And she single-handedly (or actually, in the second instance, had a willing accomplice) wiped all of it out.

Yet, an understanding hand and eyes that see you as you are give you hope. I do have that at this moment. I've been in an emotional void for the last two years. I don't think I'm wrong in savoring the warmth of someone who cares about me. I've been alone in a loveless marriage long enough. So I can take solace in the fact that there is someone for me who is real.

The alternates and currents run concurrent with one another and the clashes just continue. But this a process and this is adult life, whether I asked for it or not.