Look, know, think, learn...

When one life finishes, another one starts... and so it has. No sooner than things ended, I was surrounded by a great deal of love, affection and protection from the most amazing emotional support system any human being could ever ask or hope for. To my family and friends who have been with me, all I can say is thank you - it goes beyond words but my love and appreciation is with each of you. For that, I am truly blessed. I'm someone who understands the word and concept of "grateful".

Rebuilding is something I've always done and been good at; I don't falter, I don't sit around licking my wounds, I don't believe in feeling sorry for myself. Things happen, sometimes things you don't want. And you have to deal with it. You shake the cobwebs out of your head and you push on through. I'm not going to waste any further time, space or words on a subject that has been rendered meaningless and is dead. When something is over, you just move forward. You never look back.

I am creating--writing, playing, focusing on the one thing everyone presumed (or I let presume) I'd abandoned. No. More than when I was younger, I still have the ability, the skill, the talent, the gift to write and sing. And where there were maybe a handful of random songs hoping to see the light of day, now are a small pile waiting to be sorted through to see which will be amongst the ones recorded first. I am training myself physically; revisiting the discipline I abandoned so recklessly. Spending 4 to 5 times a week in the gym, pushing myself to be healthy, both spiritually and in body. I have the warmth of Sahaja Yoga and the blessings of Krsna; I keep company with good, kind, honest people; I am embraced by those who see me and accept me as I am. I am loved. And where I thought for a moment, I might be dead inside, I was wrong. I am (at this point) reaching a higher awareness than I thought I'd even had before. I am learning and rapidly evolving--in a direction that I'd started to take before derailing myself with my mistakes (and by some of life's circumstances that I had no say in).

My ship has been righted. I am more comfortable in my skin than before; I am more focused and in control of my wants and needs and desires than ever. And I'm walking in the direction I started to once but got away from. That mistake won't happen again. History will not repeat, but new histories are to be written.