ManicRobThrill

Wednesday, January 05, 2011

Past tense

In the two days since I made my last posting, I have been overrun with communiques, questions and negative responses concerning the "birthday e-mail"--not against me, but toward the person who sent the aforementioned. I do appreciate the support and the understanding, but I'm not sure I made my point clear. And this I say with all love:

I don't feel it's worth anyone getting annoyed or aggravated about. I reported it, since it fit the moment and the emotion, but on a greater level, it represents absolutely nothing. Whether or not she meant it to be anything more than a simple birthday acknowledgment is immaterial; I would prefer to not hear from her at all. She forced me to suppress and dissolve any feelings, sentiments, et al. when it came to her, our friendship and everything else. She is now persona non grata. If she expects me to respond to her e-mail, she would be wrong. I have nothing to say, written or verbally. I'm sure she will write again, most likely with some kind of vitriolic attack and play the "wounded bird". Or maybe she will finally understand there's no reason to pretend; that the friendship - from my view - is dead and she will cease communication.

This is a game I despise; the kind that no one ever wins--thus, I will not play. I don't need to speak or write about it; I don't need to speak or write to her. I only feel coldness when she comes to mind. Nothing can be changed; I will not compromise nor retract. That is clear. Not after faith has been broken. I wish it were not so, but it is. So silence is the order of the day.

And again--there is no anger here; along with the other emotions I had for her, that too evaporated. I simply wish to be left alone. There is no reason for her to contact me. When I was with her, it became trying; since we ended, she's been equally difficult. I don't wish her ill--I don't wish her well--I have nothing to offer when it comes to her. I can only say I hope she has a peaceful life and please leave me to mine.

I cannot be more grateful to the people who were with me from the moment this sad chapter began but it's time to set this whole thing on the bonfire. It's left now as a pile of ash in the past...

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And on another note, I would like to send a "THANK YOU" out to the person who wrote some very kind words on the "comments" page for the last posting. You made 6 years of this blog worth it all. Please keep in touch.

1 Comments:

  • I am glad to know that you appreciated my comments. I looked for your next blog yesterday. But, I guess you had not submitted anything at that time. I now see that you have as well as today. One thing I will leave you with: When I was in a teenager, my dad would always say "time brings on change" I believe now more than I ever have. I pray that you find peace and tranquilty as you move forward through time. It will bring you change. I pray that the change is positive.

    I will look for your next blog.

    By Anonymous JP, At 9:53 PM  

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