Thursday, February 17, 2005

Set the controls for the heart of the sun

Ill again--ugh. Not a great way to begin a posting but I'm feeling the effects of un-wellness and over-the-counter cough medicine. Dreadful. I'd like to go to the gym after work and perhaps sweat out this feeling--I do have my bag--but I'm not sure. Still a bit early in the day and premature to blow it off. Of course, in typically cruel and ironic fashion, I'm sick again two days before a recording session. Psychosomatic? I doubt it. It's nothing more nor less than an inconvenience and a drag.

Getting to the notion of the recording session--this uneasy feeling is interfering with my mental preparation for the "studio" (sic). I've been getting into the appropriate mindset (especially after last Friday with Bob) and trying to focus on the order of the session so we can achieve all that's on the agenda. I'd dearly love to walk away from this week knowing that the 2 songs that are still lingering for reworking are done and that the new songs are (at long last) underway. I'm cautious that I'll be feeling as near to 100% as possible. Seems like the operative phrase here is "we'll see".

About those new/final songs. Still have the same warmth for them when I wrote them (summer '87 for "Second Time Around" and autumn '93 for "Bitter Sweet" and "Inside"). I'm glad that we saved the most convoluted (if you will) tracks for last. "Second..." isn't that difficult, but it is a departure and the other two are just built for detailing. Once this album is finished/mixed and ready for release (I've already sequenced the tracks), it will read like a book--there is (was?) an unconscious thread that ran through all these songs seamlessly. I've consciously avoided listening to what we have now, as I didn't want to begin feeling flustered that it's not done and I didn't want to grow tired of the songs. As we're approaching the end, I can see the (until it took "shape", so to speak) concept of the album and from the preliminary reactions I've been getting, this should be good. I'll reserve judgment for now.

Being that I'm feeling under the weather, I'm not going to offer up any social critiques today; everyone can basically fuck off as far as I'm concerned. You know what I mean. I was thinking about B.'s suggestion about a book--some of these postings would serve well as chapters, as long as they were aligned properly. From the musical ruminations to the waxing philosophical and the sociological observances, it could work. I'll debate it, mentally, later.

Well--okay, I'll retract something I just said above (about no critiquing), as it came up in conversation last night. The compulsion some people tend to have about needing "validation". "LOOK AT ME!", "LOOK WHAT I DID!"--oh, please. I'm not a fan of having to say "nice job" every time these idiots manage to turn on a light switch or throw an empty soda can in the bin marked "recyclable"; don't try to impress me--you'll only be disappointed. And don't sit/stand there, watching me and waiting for me to talk to you and give you an audience. I don't care. If you've done something, you've done it for its' merits and nothing else. My opinion doesn't matter. So leave me alone; I'm not seeking attention. You aren't a child (even though you act like one).

Onto brighter topics--finding so many wonderful houses gives me no end of hope. There are these exhilarating moments where I can envision the house set up the way Liz and I have discussed (complete with that stunning new Kenmore cobalt blue washer/dryer) and I can't help but look toward the immediate future and planning the move. I know I'll feel a great sense of relief when we get my father out of his apartment and we're all settled in. Until then, due diligence must be served in looking for the right house. After that, we finally buy the Mini. Plans that come together (especially long-range ones) please me more than anything else.


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