Maker
"Gratitude" is not a word I use lightly--I've heard and read it thrown about like confetti in the past several months. Those who claim to be "grateful" are, frankly, full of shit. It's a word that should be adhered to by its definition. To have gratitude; to be grateful, at points, means you stop--look at--evaluate the people who bring you joy, comfort, love, understanding, respect, patience and all that will bring peace of mind to your daily existence--in short, life's blessings--not riches, nor possessions. A great many people misconstrue gratitude by taking advantage of/taking for granted the people that can do, care, rescue, help--being an emotional cripple is a bad mis-step in trying to lead a balanced life. And as it always seems to go, those who bark the loudest about being "grateful" are the most ungrateful of all--such a predictable cliche, but so sadly accurate.
I look at my life--past and present--and I admit that I have made some grave mistakes in discarding what was important; the people who mattered and truly being grateful for who is in my life and what I have that gives me daily, physical comfort. Over the last few years, I have begun to not only take stock in the "durable goods" but in many ways, minimize them by lack of necessity (why buy what you don't need? Why put yourself in harm's way for owning useless/frivolous items by racking up debt?). I purge non-essentials with regularity. It is an emotional cleansing, not just a physical freeing up of space.
I have been learning to do the same thing when it comes to people, which was something I was not adept at. I never "held on" to relationships that brought nothing to either myself or the other person, but I never would make the conscious decision to say "I have to let go; this makes me unhappy" or whatever the circumstances may have been. I always left it up to the greatest friend I've ever had: silence. Yes, that may be the "coward's way", but I have found that if someone is looking for a direct confrontation with me and I agree (begrudgingly) to meet them on the battlefield, then my side of the story is not to be heard--I am not afforded an equal voicing. So what is the point of arguing or worse, defending myself? To be pushed until an emotional outburst occurs and something is said wrongly, hurtfully? I prefer the more diginified (depending on your point of view) "let me quietly walk away". It may be seen as passive-aggressive, but it saves you from tears, anger, shouting and reducing yourself to being as "bad" as the other person.
In light of everything I've learned in the recent past, I find that there is far less risk in sounding stupid or childish by saying nothing. I will use a definitive example: in the final phone call exchange between myself and a former friend, this person (literally) shouted from the moment we began speaking. Machine-gun bursts of verbiage were fired at me with accusations that went: "I'm emotional. I know I'm emotional but you're cold. You're too rational. You deal with people better than I do. When you're angry, you become cold." And so this went. As I could physically feel the anger rising in me, I took a breath and tried to explain as best as possible: "I am rational because I do not want to make the mistake of saying something that can be hurtful or completely inappropriate. I need to digest and process things before I say anything. I have to be sure I'm right and justified in taking up an argument instead of blindly shooting my mouth off without having the facts straight. Once something is said, it cannot be taken back and I don't want to ever put myself in that kind of situation just because I didn't think before I spoke." Since that phone call, I have not spoken to this individual. I felt on that day, my own final straw had been snapped; however, that person still occasionally tries to communicate. I (with two poorly-judged exceptions) do not respond to this person. Letting go means not only pushing their memory out of your mind, but to not answer when they attempt contact. It saves me a lot of headaches and heartaches. It isn't childish avoidance. I have nothing to say any longer. I said my piece when it had to be said; then I walked away completely. Silence speaks louder than anything else.
On the flipside, taking in all that I have--not just my home, my cats, my guitars, clothes, books, etc.--makes me feel I am truly a blessed individual. As I have said so often, look at the experiences I have had--I have lived every dream I ever hallucinated (!) (pretty much); I have had a very charmed life. I may not have financial wealth; I may not own a house or any of the ecoutrements that most people misappropriate for "happiness" via opulence but at 46, I have so much more than many people I have called friends/lovers and I seem to gain more with every passing day that I learn and see and think and know. I am surrounded by good, kind, loving, decent people--these are people who tell me when I'm right and when I'm wrong; they offer praise when warranted but call me on my bullshit when it's time. I don't have servile yes-men/women who do my bidding and kowtow to my dictatorial whims. You know, I'm nobody special--and no one is.
You know, 46 is a pretty high number. There isn't that much sand left in the hourglass and while there is time, I want to keep improving and thriving, emotionally and spiritually. It's all I think I really need. Eveything else is almost secondary. And for all that I have and all that I am, I am grateful.
I look at my life--past and present--and I admit that I have made some grave mistakes in discarding what was important; the people who mattered and truly being grateful for who is in my life and what I have that gives me daily, physical comfort. Over the last few years, I have begun to not only take stock in the "durable goods" but in many ways, minimize them by lack of necessity (why buy what you don't need? Why put yourself in harm's way for owning useless/frivolous items by racking up debt?). I purge non-essentials with regularity. It is an emotional cleansing, not just a physical freeing up of space.
I have been learning to do the same thing when it comes to people, which was something I was not adept at. I never "held on" to relationships that brought nothing to either myself or the other person, but I never would make the conscious decision to say "I have to let go; this makes me unhappy" or whatever the circumstances may have been. I always left it up to the greatest friend I've ever had: silence. Yes, that may be the "coward's way", but I have found that if someone is looking for a direct confrontation with me and I agree (begrudgingly) to meet them on the battlefield, then my side of the story is not to be heard--I am not afforded an equal voicing. So what is the point of arguing or worse, defending myself? To be pushed until an emotional outburst occurs and something is said wrongly, hurtfully? I prefer the more diginified (depending on your point of view) "let me quietly walk away". It may be seen as passive-aggressive, but it saves you from tears, anger, shouting and reducing yourself to being as "bad" as the other person.
In light of everything I've learned in the recent past, I find that there is far less risk in sounding stupid or childish by saying nothing. I will use a definitive example: in the final phone call exchange between myself and a former friend, this person (literally) shouted from the moment we began speaking. Machine-gun bursts of verbiage were fired at me with accusations that went: "I'm emotional. I know I'm emotional but you're cold. You're too rational. You deal with people better than I do. When you're angry, you become cold." And so this went. As I could physically feel the anger rising in me, I took a breath and tried to explain as best as possible: "I am rational because I do not want to make the mistake of saying something that can be hurtful or completely inappropriate. I need to digest and process things before I say anything. I have to be sure I'm right and justified in taking up an argument instead of blindly shooting my mouth off without having the facts straight. Once something is said, it cannot be taken back and I don't want to ever put myself in that kind of situation just because I didn't think before I spoke." Since that phone call, I have not spoken to this individual. I felt on that day, my own final straw had been snapped; however, that person still occasionally tries to communicate. I (with two poorly-judged exceptions) do not respond to this person. Letting go means not only pushing their memory out of your mind, but to not answer when they attempt contact. It saves me a lot of headaches and heartaches. It isn't childish avoidance. I have nothing to say any longer. I said my piece when it had to be said; then I walked away completely. Silence speaks louder than anything else.
On the flipside, taking in all that I have--not just my home, my cats, my guitars, clothes, books, etc.--makes me feel I am truly a blessed individual. As I have said so often, look at the experiences I have had--I have lived every dream I ever hallucinated (!) (pretty much); I have had a very charmed life. I may not have financial wealth; I may not own a house or any of the ecoutrements that most people misappropriate for "happiness" via opulence but at 46, I have so much more than many people I have called friends/lovers and I seem to gain more with every passing day that I learn and see and think and know. I am surrounded by good, kind, loving, decent people--these are people who tell me when I'm right and when I'm wrong; they offer praise when warranted but call me on my bullshit when it's time. I don't have servile yes-men/women who do my bidding and kowtow to my dictatorial whims. You know, I'm nobody special--and no one is.
You know, 46 is a pretty high number. There isn't that much sand left in the hourglass and while there is time, I want to keep improving and thriving, emotionally and spiritually. It's all I think I really need. Eveything else is almost secondary. And for all that I have and all that I am, I am grateful.
posted by R L Ross at
9:24 AM
1 Comments:
Short and to the point. One of my favorite quotes by Winston Churchill: "If you have enemies, it's because you stood up for yourself" Lastly, I too am 46 (born in 1964). Which means I will be 47 this year. You say 46 is a high number. But you don't have to live it. My attitude is: I live like I am dying, but act like I am living.
JP
By
JP, At
10:07 PM
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