Caught unawares--bad day

I am writing this as the shock is finally wearing off from last night; I barely slept at all. This is supposed to be my vacation week. At 6:15 p.m. last night, I was called by the lawyer for Direct Revenue, the company I was working for, and was informed that I, along with 35% of the staff, was let go. I will receive severance and they will try to help expedite getting set up on unemployment benefits, but wow. Really no other way to put it; I didn't see this coming--just yet. I had been looking for a while; with a greater sense of urgency (not panic) when B. left, but I wanted to leave under my own grace and steam, not an arbitrary dismissal.

I wanted to cry; be angry; freaked out, etc. but there was nothing that really could trigger me. Yes, I was caught unaware and we have bills, but this is not how it was in the aftermath of the Eagle Rock debacle. I'm older, wiser, have better perspective and I would like to think that because of my Sahaja Yoga discipline/beliefs that it won't affect me and this is merely a temporary setback.

Everyone in my orbit knew I wasn't happy and was looking; I'd been on a few interviews recently and was focused on finding something and moving on. A major problem I had with the job is what they do; while they aren't pornographers, pop-up ads and spyware upset a lot of people in great numbers. I wasn't comfortable with getting endless e-mails (under the guise of customer service) that equaled death threats. And I felt a sense of guilt over doing this job, once I knew what the company did since I took the approach (at times) that "nobility doesn't pay the rent". While I was never one responsible for the ads or software (I was administrative); I knew what people's reactions would be if they knew who I worked for, so I never really said.

So it comes to pass and I'll go in for the last time today to get my personal items from my desk and to sign the necessary papers while handing in my door pass and my corporate credit card. It was a nice ride, but ultimately, this had to come. I just would have preferred leaving on my own. There were many benefits to this job--the gym; meeting many good people and making close friends and learning, so there is was some pleasure to be had. No matter what, I learned many more things than when I first came in--all I've done is add to my skills. Onward and upward.

When this happened in 2003, I became an emotional mess; I let the situation rule me. This isn't the case here. Tomorrow, I will be stopping at and trying to sign on with temp agencies and to drop off a resume at an open house in a yoga center. So I have a clear grasp on what needs to be done.

Either way, it isn't going to deter me, Liz and I or The Punch Line. This is a temporary setback.

"When one life finishes, another one starts"