Unexpected for the better

Had today off from work to see my urologist; my PSA is actually down by .3, which is good.  There was no conclusive negative results from the urine analyses done after the blood incident, but for safety's sake, he's having me take a catscan in 2 weeks - I'll see him the day after Thanksgiving.  I already made the appointment for the catscan, so that's taken care of.  And I took the car for its annual inspection.  All in all, a day well spent.

Work has calmed down, thanks to the unexpected suspension of my boss.  Numerous complaints - both written and otherwise - were filed with our CEO; he could no longer allow her to continue her abusive ways and has taken the necessary legal steps to end her tenure.  It has given me (as well as the majority of my colleagues) an ability to breathe again.

For once, I am able to make a positive entry in this blog. 

No specific direction, etc. (from a certain angle)

It's been an odd time.  I finally picked up my 12-string and couldn't make it through one song because I couldn't remember the chords; my dexterity is non-existent and my fingertips have gotten soft.  My picking and strumming was for shit and it was - if anything - laughable.  For some inexplicable reason, I started fumbling around with the guitar solo from "Till There Was You" and suddenly, it started to come back.  I tried my go-to warm up of "Over The Hills And Far Away" and that came back.  After nearly an hour, I took a chance and, ironically, made it through a full song - which had been the last thing I'd played in 2022 and couldn't get through because of the emotions that came out at the time - Michael Nesmith's "Joanne".  So that's a re-start.

I had a health scare two weeks ago - blood in my urine, which wasn't painful.  Just unexpected.  It happened three times; I went to my urologist as an emergency visit - when I got there and gave the sample, it was normal.  And it's been normal since.  I have my regularly scheduled appointment on November 6th and my blood test this coming Saturday.

The apartment was finally painted after 13 years, so that's a relief; been tying up little loose ends like scheduling my yearly eye doctor's exam and plans for Thanksgiving, but all in all, I feel like there's been an opening in the valve so I can breathe again a bit easier.  I don't know why, but I won't question it.

It's just been... strange. 

Spin drifting redux

This may have been the closest to a relaxing weekend since June 19th - three day holiday weekends are a salve on a constantly bleeding wound.  Yes, I did do some work, but I didn't allow myself to feel pressure or urgency; I just did it and that was that.  Especially since I left the office at 7:30 on Friday night.

I am continuing my search; I know that diligence and patience are the only way to get through this.  At least I'm doing something to remedy the situation.  And I will not stop until I can achieve the necessary end goal.

A rational purge

For the sake of clarity and getting it out of my system, this is full context of why I've been so down for such a elongated period.

After being laid off in March, 2025 from my last full-time job, I had a very nice 9 month temp assignment from April to December last year.  I was offered a full-time position with a law firm at the start of January, so there were no losses in income or time.  The problem was the law firm was a horribly abusive atmosphere - reminiscent of that architecture firm I joined in February 2023.  This had to be seen to be believed - the lead lawyer/head of the firm is prone to violent outbursts and it made life absolute hell.  I went on an interview in February for a non-profit in Brooklyn and was offered a job on the spot.  I accepted and gave my two weeks' notice to the law firm. 

On the surface, the non-profit seemed like a nicer place to be, albeit for less money.  Sadly, I was wrong.  It took very little time for my new boss to show her true colors, which are disturbing.  People have been leaving en masse.  And it's taking a toll on me - emotionally, mentally and physically.  I work at home on weekends, just to give myself a little breathing room when I'm in the office.  I hate it.  I'm incapable of having a normal conversation now.  I don't want to speak with anyone.

I had an interview on a beautiful Monday afternoon at the beginning of May with an architecture studio, also in Brooklyn.  After a very nice conversation, I was (once again) offered the job on the spot, which I accepted.  It's something I'm experienced with; the money would be back to a normal range and it's in a neighborhood I'm familiar with.

I was told we would do one more conversation and then the job would begin in July, which was fine.  I didn't hear from them again until the beginning of July for that second/final interview, where everything was mapped out.  I was told "we will be sending you the offer letter by tomorrow."  By the end of that next day, I'd received nothing and emailed them.  Their HR person said that it had to go through legal and compliance first and then it would be sent immediately and I could give my two weeks' notice to the non-profit.

Then silence.

That was July 8th.  I've sent two follow-up emails and received no response.  I've had a two-round interview with a political relations firm but didn't get to the third round.

I'm frustrated and tired and living on stress, which does no good for someone who's 61.  I dropped 30 pounds, essentially, and I'm always tired.

I just want something good; something positive to happen - the change I need.

That's all. 

Still waiting and hoping

Without giving too much away, I recently had some very good news - I haven't wanted to divulge much because I didn't want to jinx myself.  The problem is, after this good news, I haven't had any response, even though I've followed up.  All I get is radio silence, which is concerning and frustrating.

I'm not asking for much - just an answer and clarity so I can start to solidify plans.  

I know... patience pays.

But after all the frustrations and unhealthiness of the last eight months, this one piece of the puzzle would be a truly welcomed change. 

Beginning to see the light...

There is hope.  I'm not being cryptic.  This nightmare that I've been in since January (two jobs, each successful in making me physically ill plus the unending emotional stress) may be coming to an end soon.  I don't want to jinx anything, but it does seem that better things are around the corner.  Just patience and calm is what I need to fend off the ugly daily reality.

When the moment comes, I am ready for the change.  With hope, vigilence and reason.

For this moment to be able to actually breathe, I am grateful. 

A powerful reminder and moment

While things haven't been great or positive, I did want to take a moment and say something.

I'm very happy to be here and able to see/experience another milestone in our country's evolution.  I was 11 during the Bicentennial in 1976; it was an incredible time to be a child and to have such a thing occur.  We spent a lot of time in Pennsylvania during that summer and it led me to a great, deep love of Revolutionary War history. 

I'm now 61 and am equally thrilled and proud to be around to see the United States celebrate its 250th anniversary.  It's an amazing occasion and it doesn't matter what your political stripes are.  You should be happy, have fun and take part in enjoying what we all have.  

I know I am.