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A few random thoughts, since this is New Year's Day...

I don't make resolutions.  I'm too old to do so and there's nothing I need "resolved".  It's a good time to go from reflection to pinpointing and correcting real/tangible items that may be an unnecessary hindrance in my life - and reaching obtainable goals.

Case and point:  I fasted today, as a means of starting the weight loss process again.  I begin my new job on Monday.  Within two paychecks, I think my credit card will be paid off.  Once that's done, I can replenish the money I'd taken out of my savings account.  I will be able to take the car in for the minor, but costly, repairs.  I will focus on learning this new job and doing what I can to eat healthy and exercise.  All very real and not difficult to gain - as long as I stay on track with these things.  If I can tick them off my checklist, one by one, these achievements will become my norm - which only makes my life better and (subsequently) easier.

I'm still ambivalent about music and writing.  I'll cross those bridges when I get closer to them.

 It's definitely time to start thinking about leaving New York permanently. 

That day again

Today is Christmas and it's one of the quietest I've ever experienced - a calm, pleasant day of ease and reading.  I might go in to the office tomorrow for a little while as I wrap things up; at the same time, there are reports of a snowstorm due in the latter half of the day, so I may be better off working from home and grocery shopping early in the morning.  Tuesday will be my last day with this company and I have to say, I'm not as sad about it as I thought I might be.  Temp jobs are just that - temporary.  It lasted and sustained me for nine months.  And I'm very glad to be able to close this book neatly and begin my new job on Monday the 5th.  

At (almost) 61, it would be silly to say I'm excited or anticipating my new position - it's more relief and curious as to the ensuing education of it.  And, of course, having a normal paycheck again is a substantial weight off my shoulders.  I managed to weather this sometimes difficult period and enjoyed most of the temp experience, but there is greater comfort in "permanent" (for whatever it's worth now).

The year ends in a week; it was another odd one that I think best be consigned to memory, only for reference if necessary.  I wonder if it has to do with simply getting older and feeling more disconnected from so much.  It's not fatalistic or negative - it's just reality. I do remember when my bandmate, Marc, and I would talk about the year winding down as we would listen to WHTG - he (quite profoundly) would say, "it's that philosophical time again" (this started around 1985 and continued for a while) and the idea of a summarization had stayed with me until these last few years.  Now that I'm in this latter stage of life, I don't need to recap time speeding up and passing me by.

Granted, there are things I wish would, in fact, end completely and things I'm not looking forward to that are inescapable (I'm not being cryptic; I'm mired in the realities of the inevitable, impending destruction of New York City), but mostly, it's that time is going by faster and there's nothing that can be done.  

In any case, this has been a nice Christmas because it's been so still and peaceful at home.  And you cannot ask for more. 

Warmth of the cold

Sounds contradictory, but even though it's suddenly bitter cold, I've received two job offers in a 24-hour span, earlier this week.  One is a financially-formidable offer (based on the per-hour pay rate) with a large conglomerate.  This would be a contract job in a "professional" setting.  The other is a permanent-position with an annual salary for less money and a smaller staff.  It's "business casual" and it's the one I've accepted.  I can't see myself continuing in an atmosphere of heavy, constant turnover with (essentially) a temp position.  I think it best for me to have that stability.

So I think (operative word) I can exhale for the moment.  It's been a busy week as it is, and I haven't really had the chance to really absorb this very fortuitous and welcomed turnaround.  The new year will begin with/at a new job and, hopefully, a successful education as well as I learn something new.

I know there are things that I need to plan for this upcoming year with diligence and detail - finances, medical visits, etc., but for now, I would like to try and enjoy the holiday season as much as I can.  It was certainly nice yesterday, being invited to the holiday lunch with the company I've been temping for.  The food, the atmosphere and the people were wonderful.  I was able to relax and have fun with my co-workers.  

I think I will take this weekend "off" from having "stuff to do".  I'll take the car for repairs next Friday and the body work the following Monday.  I need a break!

Into the unknown (redux)

I was let go from my last full-time job at the end of March, due to financial restructuring and the elimination of my position.  Within a week of this, I was able to secure what was told to me would be a temp-to-perm position.  

That did not turn out to be true - which is due to the unforgivable dishonesty of the agency that placed me at this job.  Nonetheless, my six-month time here is coming to an end; my direct boss felt guilty that things were handled poorly (and unprofessionally); hence, it was extended to a month extra.

Now it concludes as of Thanksgiving.  I've got several interviews lined up in the next two days, which is both daunting and emotionally draining, but it gives me hope - which is what I need.  I would rather have a number of interviews than none at all.  If this was another time, it may have sent me into an emotional tailspin; I haven't looked back over this blog to recall my feelings when it happened previously.  Right now I feel a little uneasy and some nervousness, but at the same time, I know the validity is in working, so I am applying to every possible thing out there - just for the sake of continuing to bring in revenue.

I don't know if there's much more I can do than I have done.  I have to keep moving forward and nothing else.

Six minutes until...

...the exact time Liz and I were married, 27 years ago today.

A nice and simple memory - a perfect morning (much like today, actually); cool and crisp.  My cousin, her boyfriend and Liz' best friend were all we needed.  

Six minutes later, we were wed.

And we only knew one another for 2.5 months when we did.  

Amazing, isn't it?  In the best way possible.

Postscript to the season

Funny how this is the last actual weekend of summer; it came and went in a blink.  Lowkey; enjoyable; not overwhelmingly hot and damned fast.  The last couple of weeks have also been air conditioner free because of the milder temperatures, which has helped me sleep better.  And next weekend means it's time for the annual flu shot.

One interesting and very nice little note.  On a recent post of an album review I did - shared on Facebook - one of the messages was from an old friend; it was very nice and very warming to reconnect with him - however short and hurried it may have been.  It's a good feeling to have those kinds of exchanges after decades.

This day

...is a date that haunts - obviously.  Having been there when it happened and then the aftermath is something that will never be forgotten.  It's a bitter memory; a foul taste. 

It was also my parents' wedding anniversary - it marred my father's memory of their marriage for the rest of his life.  He held it sacred after my mother died and this was a different wound.

It doesn't matter what "number anniversary" this is; how many years.

It will never be forgotten nor forgiven.