Time to go...

After a lot of thought - and I do mean a lot - this past week, I decided it was time to end the Radio City... podcast.  With Jon moving to Portugal and the sporadic nature of doing it as infrequently as we have in the last few years, it's time to stop.  Eight years is a pretty good run.  

We recorded the last show on Sunday night - it was definitely the most subdued conversation we may have ever had - including the years previously, when I was a regular guest on his CBS show, Overnight America.  But reality is reality - circumstances really call for this - and ever since my birthday, the reality of turning 60 has gained greater momentum.

During that last show/conversation, I announced that I'm also done writing for Popdose and MusicTAP and I think that holds as well.  I don't have anything new to say or offer anymore.  I don't want to write about the same bands and new-ish music doesn't really excite me.  I did it for a dozen years and, aside from not being paid, it was a phenomenally wonderful experience - it solidified the truth that yes, I was (am) a natural writer.  I had a lot of fun, connected with incredible people and most of all, it was pure joy.

All of this signifies that sooner or later, I will have to begin the task of putting my guitars, equipment and other musical items up for sale.  I haven't picked up a guitar in... I don't know how long.  That isn't being funny or sarcastic - I truly can't recall.  I don't have any desire to see shows - again, new music doesn't interest me; I've seen everyone I've ever wanted to see - as well as my hearing having suffered enough.  

Everything reaches an end.  It doesn't have to be traumatic or dramatic - sometimes, it just dawns on you.  Which, of course, is wonderfully reassuring.  There were no great revelations here.  No particular event - just looking at your own life and thinking about it.  Do I want and need to continue with any of this?  Does it and will it make me happy?

The answers are:  no.  Not now.  Not like it did.

But there was one caveat that Jon and I did end the show with:  it may have been the final episode - period.  Or it may be the final episode for an indefinite period. And there is a possibility that we may be back, down the road, should the timing be right.

All of which is to say I don't know.  But being able to come to this point is proof that age does allow for wisdom, grace and acceptance.

A few minor thoughts...

First and foremost, after having the blood test on Saturday morning, I already got the results - my PSA is down to 1.3/9.2 - significant beyond words.  This shows the aquablation procedure was a total success and I couldn't be more relieved.  If I'm correct, when I see my urologist this week, he'll tell me I won't have to come back until November.

It was a beautiful "yes, it's definitely spring" weekend - but today is humid and rainy.  Nice to be in the office, though.

Looking forward to actually taking the car in for a repair - nothing major; just annoying and costly, with both time and money.  But it has to be done and I want things to continue running smoothly.  I'll have them do an oil change at the same time.  I hate having things at loose ends and this will have been three weeks of a not-working tire pressure gauge system/light.  Last time (a decade ago?), it was all 5 gauges - hopefully it won't be a repeat.

Someone was asking me last week about what it was like to be in a band.  And the answer is this:  it was a joy; it was a sense of pride and the total sum being as to who I was at the time.  I am very proud to have been in The Punch Line - especially the first/four-piece iteration.  I thought we made great music and we were as good as anyone we were fans of, if not sometimes better.  My regret is the natural one:  I wish I knew then what I know now.  Perspective, time and wisdom makes me wish I'd acted differently and not made everything concerning the band be so important. It never needed to be a house-on-fire scenario all the time and yet, we never could get out of our own collective way.  I'm just as culpable as anyone and I regret not having that sense of rationality at the time.  And being who I am now - or where I'm at - I don't know if I could play in a band-scenario again.  It has nothing to do with the people involved - I would attempt to do it with The Punch Line - yes, that's not a bold statement; it's just sense.  But:  we're all strangers now; two of us are in our 60's; I don't know if I can remember or play any of our songs - and most importantly, it would be a tremendous mental chore to put myself in the mindset of playing with a band, even if it was only for one night.  

The point:  I'm not that person anymore.  It's reality.  It doesn't mean an outright "no" - just the fact that I haven't done it in a very long time and have, for all intents and purposes, put my musical life behind me.  And because I'm at this point, I wish I'd savored it a lot more.

My favorite time again...

There's never a better time of year than May.  It's when everything becomes alive again.  It's warm; jackets can be abandoned; the sun shines brighter; the smell of cut grass and different flowers are everywhere in my neighborhood.  Three people I love were born in May; I met someone and had a lasting relationship begin in May.  It always signifies good things.

The next few weekends are already filled - two of them with medical visits - PSA blood test tomorrow; urologist next Friday- I have to take the car for a minor repair, which will unfortunately set me back a bit financially - but at least we're moving things along.

I've completed almost a full month at this temp job.  I still like it; I like the people - I'm trying not to think too far ahead and I'm not going to try to speed things up, either.  I have to let the universe unfold naturally and at the same time, continue to send out resumes and take interviews whenever possible.

Calm.  One step at a time.  Just enjoy the moment.