Exhale (still life into infinity)

I know the last entry was one that I didn't want to have to write, but I needed to see the words in front of me, rather than speaking them.  The very painfully real possibility that I might have cancer - especially after winding up in the hospital for 4 days, for the first time in my life.

Fortunately - and with endless thanks to God - the results of the biopsy were all benign.  My urologist said "you do not have cancer, so put it out of your mind" - I nearly wept, but I was numb.  I was still in discomfort from the biopsy, the infection, the medication and the aftermath of being in the hospital.  It took me up until the weekend to finally process that I don't have the feared disease.  How often does one get the happy news?  I was fully braced for impact, but I am so grateful and relieved.  I still don't feel 100% after the biopsy and will remain on antibiotics until this coming Saturday, but I am finally starting to diffuse from this.

Life - and how to live it - takes on a whole new meaning.  I'm one of the lucky ones and I know it.

Blink and you missed it (redux)

The last time I made an entry into this blog, I was feeling very good; hopeful, joyful and had solid plans unfolding that I was looking forward to.  Unfortunately, everything changed within a week of that last post.

On July 15th, I received a call from my doctor that pulled the rug from under my feet - he said he suspects I have prostate cancer.  Without going too far into details, I quickly made an appointment for a consult with a urologist.  Had the consultation, another examination and the biopsy was scheduled.

This last Monday, I had the biopsy.  48 hours later, for the first time in my life, I was admitted into the hospital as a patient - with a 101 degree fever and (as it turned out) a septic infection caused by the biopsy.  I came home yesterday (Saturday) after three days on an I.V. drip of powerful antibiotics and the most incredible care I could have ever hoped for.  Having never been in the hospital before, I could not have been more fortunate.  I am grateful to the doctors, nurses and staff who were kind, attentive and warm.  This was a very lucky thing.

It's going to take some time for me to recuperate - it definitely took a lot out of me.  14 days to go on antibiotic pills and Tylenol for the pain and discomfort.  I need to go take more blood work to make sure the antibiotic is working and my white blood cell count is normal (it had risen as a result of the infection).  And in 48 hours, I'll know if I do have cancer or not, as that's when the biopsy follow-up was initially scheduled for.

Everything changed in an instant.  But things have become a little more urgent.  And I would like to make sure I have everything in order in case the news isn't good. 

As always in life, we'll see.