Autumn stone redux (ad infinitum)

The results of the MRI showed no cancer.  Thursday, October 3rd, I have to go to the hospital for "pre-admission testing" - blood test, EKG, X-ray.  Then, Thursday, the 10th, is the procedure.

I am nervous and frightened and I hate it.  I know this is the only option and it's a non-cutting surgery, but it's the aftermath/recovery that has me so bent out of shape.  A catheter for 6 days; then having to go across the island to the urologist's office for him to remove it has me even more on edge and knowing there are at least 2 - 4 weeks of seeing blood in my urine after that.  The immediate pain and discomfort - I'm going into uncharted waters.  It's all very unnerving at this age.

The benefit is that it will help reduce the enlarged prostate by clearing away the scar tissue; hence, the use of lasers and water; it will take pressure off of my bladder and (hopefully) lessen the possibility of prostate cancer.  It will also reduce my PSA.  And - as per my doctor - I will no longer need the medication I've been taking for the last two years.

It's the tension leading up to this that's been getting to me.  And it's a beautiful time, with the transition from summer to autumn.  It's been magnificent here - light jacket weather immediately; wearing socks and letting my hair grow back in...  The baseball pennant race has been fun - and yet, I'm not able to allow myself to enjoy.

The short version:  I want this to be over and to heal properly and successfully..

Wait and see (redux)

Tomorrow is the follow-up urologist appointment after last Thursday's MRI.  I'm a bit shaky and nervous and hope there isn't anything serious (except an obviously enlarged prostate).  It's also the last appointment before the aquablation procedure on October 10th.  

Truth be told, I've been getting bent out of shape - right or wrong - whenever I think about it.  I know it's a brief, non-cutting procedure, but it's surgery, which I've never had.  I have to have a catheter for five days after I come home and then have to go across the Island to have the urologist remove it at his office.  I fear the pains of the aftermath and how long it will take to recuperate.  I know a lot of it is irrational fear but I am scared.  It's not like something you do as a precaution, like a colonoscopy (which this summer will be time for another) - I don't know, but I'm definitely not in the best of head spaces right now.

I'm thankful for having had the vacation so I didn't/wouldn't be thinking about all this.  But now the reality is right in front of me and all I can hope for is nothing as a result of the MRI.