For S.C.

Nearly three decades ago, I began dating a woman - it lasted seven plus years.  I was 21 when we met; she was 17 and it was - for all intents and purposes - love at first sight.  We had a lot of happy times together; we had a life together and in many ways, we truly grew up together.  We parted company in early 1994 and when we said our verbal goodbyes, that was the last time we ever spoke.

Two days ago, I received a message from a friend who I haven't seen in almost the same amount of time.  He told me that this woman - my ex-girlfriend - had been battling cancer for the last few years and had died this past Saturday.  I know what I read in his message - but I still am not able grasp it; the numbness that came over me seeing those words has not left my body or my mind.

I cannot pretend to say anything more than this:  my heart is broken for her family, who my first thoughts are turned to.  My prayers, love and deepest respect go out to them.  To anyone who knew her, I will hope they treasure her memory and the joy of having had her in their lives.

For me - I was just her boyfriend, once upon a time.  I will always remember her as that beautiful, kind girl who loved me and I loved in return.  And I will always love Susan as she is forever a part of me.

Turn it around

Even with this bitter cold, I haven't let it hinder me or allowed it to cloud my focus.  Everything I've been planning and working on is slowly starting to rise and take shape, which is imminently pleasing.  Feeling good and clear-headed, creative and driven is still with me - and admittedly, in the past, it's been difficult early in the year.

I think part of the juice is the inspiration I get/take from friends who have the same kind of ideas, visions and drives - the motivation is there; to be shared and fed upon.  Aside from the writing, which hasn't slowed or wavered, there's the design on improved physical health, taking the time to record and concentrate on the new music that continues to come out of my head and through my pen onto paper and the plans for new experiences, which I absolutely savor.

You can say what you want; turning 50 has brought about a major shift in thought and desire and want.  And I mean that in all the best, most positive possible ways.